What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 1:16am
i hope my children look back on their childhood with fond memories but i cant base my day to day decision making on what is going to make them happy today - i would be flopping around like a fish out of water. and what if you have multiple kids, which one gets to be happy and what if what makes that one happy makes the others unhappy (my 7 year old loves playing soccer, nothing makes her happier, my little one hates having to sit and watch her practice more than just about anything, whose happiness should i be concerned with). as the parent it is my job along with my dh to make the decisions for what we believe is best for our family as a whole. we make those decisions based on what we believe is best for our kids not what will make them happy in the moment. alot of decisions i make dont make my kids happy, but i believe they are what is best for them so i stick to my guns even in the face of their unhappiness - thats called being a parent
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 1:30am
i am a sahm to three kids and honestly i dont think my kids care one way or the other, they are so busy with their own lives, own friends and own interests me being at home is probably pretty low on their radar screen. they really like that im around when they want a ride somewhere or something to eat but they have no desire to sit around and spend all day with me.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 1:36am
i would guess that every mom here loves their kids with all their hearts but when it comes to making the decisions that come with parenting i think you have to use logic. when my 15 year old tells me nothing would make her happier than to be able to go hang out at the mall with her friends my heart may say gosh i wish we lived in a time when you could do that but logic has to override my heart and say regardless of how unhappy it is going to make her that is just not a good choice. i have had 15 years, 16 in 10 days, of raising my kids with logic and there is not a single thing about them that is distant, to a child, every one of my dd's friends say they wish they were or could be as close to their moms as she and i are
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 6:24am
Do you min if I ask why you currently SAH if you find no value in it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 6:30am
She said she loved staying home with her 37 month old and wouldn't trade it for the world. What's hard to understand about that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 7:13am

Sure I understand that. But she also said she sees no value over her SAH now vs her WOH when she had her other children. There is obviously a reason why she has decided to SAH now, I'm curious as to why she made the choice.

For us, the benefits to the whole family (less stress for DH and I in part) are more significant than any "value" wemay think the children are getting. Maybe she feels the same? I was just asking and dont mean to offend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 8:42am

Well, using your logic and your research, there is no difference between the kids of SAH and WOH.

So, why do you keep arguing about how much better WOH is than SAH? You are using finances as your main argument, but everyone here has told you that they have considered their finances both now and future before making their decision. (And, finances are only a part of the equation anyway.) But, your real prejudice with SAHMs shows through with the other negative remarks you have made regarding their marriages, etc.

Even buried in this post I'm responding to you had to add: "Another possibility is that SAHM's may have a tendency to have more of their ego invested in their kids and may see the higher performing child as a kind of validation and encourage them more."

So....we have to have "super kids" to validate our decision to SAH? Bull.

Your agenda is clear even though you do contradict yourself now and then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 8:48am

Actually, no, I have no idea how many men you work with.

I do find it quite interesting that of the "men who want their wives to work to men who don't believe women should work at all," not one of them has anything good to say about their own SAH wife.

Makes good back-up for your arguments, doesn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 8:59am

Good luck with getting your paper published!

josee

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 9:04am

I have given up the POTENTIAL to earn a decent income in the field of finanical planning. I'm fully licensed and have a few yrs experience working for my dad, who's been in the business for almost 40 yrs. I walked away from it to be home with my 2 boys. I don't know what my salary would have been, since it's 100% commission, but there was great POTENTIAL. My dad is 64 and I could be learning from him now, but instead, I'm home. It's kind of hard because I want to gain all his knowledge and learn from him while he is still capable and willing to work.

Also, we've given up going on nice, yearly vacations like we used to, before kids. We don't own a boat, 2nd home, designer clothing; aren't a member of a country club (like some of our friends).

I don't have a 401k like many of my working friends. I feel like I've given up a lot! But, it's worth it to me.

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