What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 9:49am

Ahhh, dont worry.....most of us do get it. And I know as well as you do that even if your family decides to have a SAHP, it is quite possible to still plan for your family's retirement and invest wisely. And I, like you, understand that a lot of modern SAHMs do work at some point in their lives (exactly for the fact that they are smart enough to realize that savings are important). And, yes, there will be some SAHMs who will live in poverty at some time in their lives, just like there are some WOHMs who will get themselves into debt and live in poverty.

And yes, many of life's decisions are based partly on emotion. We are all human beings and as such, emotional beings. As long as you can be rational and make sure you and your family can have enough to be happy and comfortable (and for some that seems to take a lot more them for others), then there is nothing wrong in making a decision partly based on emotion. I mean, if it was all about money - I would never of even had my son in the first place! LOL

And there are soo many factors involved. For example, a family that has a SAHP were the one income is, for example, $100,000/year is still better off then a dual income family where both persons make $40,000/year. (and I know some people will say, "oh but its his money, not hers. Quite honestly, that is *not* how it works in my marriage, we are a team, I supported him in the past and now he is making the money, its *our* money). So its all relative. There are soooo many scenarios that can be given as examples of why WOH or SAH are better, you can make up a story to defend either side. There are tons of variables to consider. WOH is better for some, SAH is better for others.

And yes, I worked, I invested, now I stay home, later I will work again.....so money is taken care of. We plannned, and now we are free to make a choice for me to stay home based on the fact that for us its what we feel is best and what works best for us.

And for some of my friends its also just plain cheaper to stay home. My friend who was a physio. has four kids. Paying for daycare costs more them what she was making. (even when she only had 3 it did not make sense to work).

And of course no research can tell u you are wasting your time. The research could never take into accont all the variables of your particular family. Research can show trends, but could never go on a one on one basis and consider ALL the variables for all the families in North America. So, yes, research is interesting and relevant to show trends, but I also think you can find a study to prove pretty much anything now a days.

Josee

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:10am
Yes, you are using happy in a context in which I'd use secure.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:13am

"Well, if research cannot say that women should absolutely do one over the other because one is better, than its up to women to use their hearts in this matter, which is what they should be doing anyway. I beleive that is why many women here SAH.."


No, I disagree.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:20am
Matthew 6 doesn't translate into support for SAH.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:23am
I agree.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:40am

Very good post.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:43am

I see that happen a lot. For me, we had a very hard time with our son and he was very premature and near death on several occasions in his first few month, and now we may not be able to have a second. So even though it is a purely emotional thing - I just *feel* like he is my *one* chance to experience parenthood and for some reason I just want to be at home with him during the days to "suck it all in". We can afford it, we have made smart financial decisions - so why not go with my *feelings*?

How is your friend finding using a surrogate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:43am

That's not what she said.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:47am

As a Christian I don't see what Matthew 6 has to do with having a sahm, can you explain?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 11:08am

"As a Christian I don't see what Matthew 6 has to do with having a sahm, can you explain?"

Since kbmaamm (sp?)said that the many SAHM's at her church hadn't planned for their futures, I was just pointing out that the Matt. 6 passage suggests that planning for the future is less important than trusting God for provision and investing in a heavenly future. IOW, she seems to think that planning for her future is the most important investment of time she can make, whereas Christian philosophy (as I understand it) states that giving to the poor, doing good works, and acting in love are more important than storehousing wealth (in the eternal scope of things).

I don't find anything in the Bible endorsing SAH over WOH. The "ideal woman" of Proverbs 31 keeps busy both inside and out of the home and seems to have an excellent head for business.

I should have clarified that I wasn't trying to twist Scripture to support a side, just suggesting the possibility that the SAHM'S from KB's church view their time spent changing diapers and chasing kids around the house as acts of love done for the most vulnerable members of our society, and as such, a more eternal investment than amassing retirement funds.

Pages