What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 5:37am
But working outside the home doesn't preclude having a parent home when the kids come home from school. My kids very seldom come home to an empty house. My neighbor is a WOHM whose kids have never come home to an empty house - I am a teacher, and the neighbor is a nurse who works three 12 hr shifts a week, which is considered full time by her employer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 7:37am
because i want to, because i enjoy it, because i can....... being a sahm for the last almost 6 years has given me the opportunity to engage in some activities that i want to do for my self that when i woh i didnt feel i had the time to do. i dont think me sah is giving my kids some wonderful childhood, they had a wonderful childhood when i woh, so i just dont see that as work or non-work related. honestly i think there are some things my younger two have missed out on by not going to daycare, but in the big picture they are not things of great importance so i dont think or worry about them. but i cant think of anything that they have gained by me sah that they didnt have when i woh. i just find parenting to be totally independent of parental work status - a great parent is going to be a great parent if they woh or if they sah, and a crappy parent is going to be crappy if they woh or if they sah - a great sahp isnt going to become crappy just because they have to woh and a crappy wohm isnt going to become a great parent just by sah.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 7:45am
I'd also really like to know what consequences can be expected (statistically speaking) from allowing children to come home to an empty house. I'd guess that the vast majority of Swedish children over the age of 10 or 11 go home to an empty house and are usually on their own for a couple of hours most afternoons. The rate of teen pregnancy and drug abuse is very low in Sweden. Even heavy drinking doesn't really start until the age of 16 or so... long after kids have started being on their own in the afternoons.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 8:00am
i would like to see why it is that so many countries other than the us dont have alot of the problems we see with certain issues. personally i think alot of it has to do with how we treat kids in this country and how we view certain issues. we make drinking seem so taboo yet we have such a high rate of teen alcohol abuse, yet when you look at countries where drinking is just considered the norm, you dont see that. same with sex. perhaps if we could look to other countries that dont have the problems we see we might be able to learn something.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 8:45am

**That's right but what does this debate have to do about chidlren being well cared for? They can and do get well cared for either way.**

Not necessarily. Depends on the caregiver. I was responding to your statement "As long as my children are well cared for, I'll make decisions based on what is best for our family. About the only way I would SAH would be if good care was unavailable."

**Besides, SAH is not a guarantee that children will be well cared for.**

Neither is WOH. It is my opinion that it is more likely a child will be better cared for by their own parent. But, if you feel comfortable letting someone else care for your child the majority of the day, that's certainly your decision.

**Some SAHM's shouldn't be allowed to own a gold fish.**

Neither should some WOHs. Unless of course, they let someone else take care of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 8:47am
ITA.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 9:35am
That's the

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 9:38am
My children were terrible sleepers. Why do you ask?
Lilypie Baby Ticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 9:38am
If work status has nothing to do with whether kids are well cared for, or even making sure kids are well cared for,

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 9:49am

If you never had to put your children with strangers, who cared for them when they were little? My school age kids are, of course, cared for by strangers often at school and camp. I'm really only talking about the youngest infants and toddlers here. I also said in my post that I would have felt completely comfortable having them cared for by any one of their four grandparents. That was not a possibility in my family. One of my best friends was practically raised by his life in nanny/housekeeper and they stayed close through the years. I know its possible. But I also know that I would worry that with someone outside the family, caring for an infant, I could never be sure.

Of course, I have always said that the main reason I stayed home is because I wanted to. Taking care of my young children was not a job I wanted to delegate even if I could have had my own mother do it. And with all her experience, she may very well have done a better job.

Perhaps, I'm shaped by my own childhood. My mom SAH and I loved having her there. I loved having her greet me every day as I got home from school. I appreciated it then, and I appreciate it now. Perhaps if I had had a WOHM I might feel differently.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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