What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 12:35pm

No. Where do you get that from? I just don't go to her house. I'm available for her if she needs me.

That was uncalled for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 12:39pm

These days, seems the only time mine want me around is if they need a ride or $20 to go somewhere, lol. They do get independent very fast.

As long as kids have what they need, I don't think they care one way or the other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 1:03pm

"Well that's not my experience. I can't think of anytime I came home to an empty house, and I had a SAHP (doesnt have to be mom, you've made that assumption)."

I think that not having some kind of appointment/emergency that conflicted with being home the school let out time for 18+ years is very unusual, especially when you have multiple kids in multiple schools with multiple schedules. If parent has to go pick up Suzie from school because she missed the bus that can mean Bubba coming home to an empty house. If parent wants to make an after school orthodonist appoitment for Bubba so he does not miss any school that can mean Suzie coming home to an empty house. If Bubba has an activity that takes place after school that parent needs to provide tranportation for then it could mena Suzie coming home to an empty house. If parent is ill with something that should not be put off and the only same day appointment available for them conflicted with school getting out then it could mean the kids coming home to an empty house. If parent is the Brownie leader and the Browning meeting takes place at school after school the it could mean other child coming home to an empty house. If parents get a phone call that mother's father has died then taking care of that could mean child coming home to an empty house. If a neighbor goe into labor and does not have tranportation to the hospital so calls the parent for help it could mean a child coming home to an empty house.

(All of my examples are under the assumption that child is old enough to come home to an empty house, for a younger child arragements would obviously have to be made).

My mother was a SAHM the entire time I lived in the home and there were a few times that I came home to an empty house (my last two examples were straight from my personal life). I was a SAHM for 12.5 year and there were a couple of times that my kids came home to an empty house. Live does not always stop between 2:00-5:00 in the afternoon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 1:06pm

For me it was both my head and my heart (as it is for many I suspect).

"This is not a decision to make with the heart. It is a decision to make with the head"

Wrong, for many it is a decision they make with both their heart & their head.

So, yes, it is a decision I made based (parlty) on my heart. Its not a black and white issue for most.




Edited 8/12/2006 1:08 pm ET by noah2004
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 1:08pm
Many days all summer the first thing out of my DD3's (17) mouth when I get home from work is either, "Can I use to car to .....?" or "Can I go out with ....?" Sometimes she doesn't even wait until I get home, I get a phone call at work and she is gone when I get home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 2:04pm

In general, I don't argue that WOH is better. In my case, it elevates our SES so it is. However, looking at average incomes, I'd say there are a lot of poor SAHM's and they are likely at risk and that is a bad thing.

IMO SAH is a luxury you enjoy if you are so inclinded and IF you can afford both the expense now and the expense in the future. I do not see SAH as anything to risk your future over. I do not see SAH as anything to sacrifice to achieve. I certainly don't see it as something to do something dispicable like collect WIC to do. (pet peeve of mine. I swear half the SAHM's in the moms group at my church are on the dole) IF you can afford it and you want to do it, go right ahead but it's not going to actually make a difference other than you getting what you want. Which is fine if you can afford the indulgence.

As far as research is concerned, it tells us what to look out for. However, to apply it to our lives, we need to have an understanding of why things are the way they are and where we fit into the picture. Research tells me that because my children were born to an educated, older mother, of higher means and had their father present in the household since birth, they are at an advantage. Those are things to work toward attaining because the make a difference. SAH is just a preference. It's not going to do anything special. In my case, a big piece of the SES puzzle is my income and that is a plus for my kids.

I also think that my example as a WM is a good thing. My children know I take education seriously because I both have one and use it. They are growing up with the idea that women do that. By my example, they are learning how to balance work and family so that they don't feel they have to compromise their futures or their careers when they have kids. For me, I'm well prepared for my future. Both from a job experience standpoint (more employable) and a what if standpoint. My kids are learning from my example to protect their own futures and if all goes well, they won't have to because they'll inherit what's left of my and their father's estate. If all doesn't go well, at least they won't have to support us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 2:07pm

And it doesn't. WOH/SAH is pretty much a financial decision not a what I like/what makes my kids happy decision. You see, my kids are happy as things are. Kids are funny like that. They tend to adjust and do well reagardless of moms working status.

Don't make it sound like the kids of WM's are miserable because they're not. There is no reason to consider their happiness because they're happy either way. There might or might not be a difference in happiness level but it's not worth risking your and your children's future for.

Can you establish that the children of SAHM's are happier than the children of WM's?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 2:09pm
Yeah, depends on the caregiver? What's your point?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 2:09pm
Exactly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 2:11pm
If nothing else, it means years you're not working and vesting a pension. You either have to save more later/earlier or work longer to make up for the time you weren't in the work force.

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