What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 4:25pm

**Someone who quits to SAH isn't very committed to their career.**

Then I guess the flip side is that someone who doesn't quit isn't very committed to their children/family? ewwww....

Kathi

Kathi 

Mom to Emily 16, Michael 12, and Miss Kimberley, diagnosed with autism at 2-1

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 4:27pm
Funny, all of the brits I know don't consider themselves European. I wonder which one of us is right. A few months sounds more like a short trip than really living in and getting to know a country. How long did you live in Australia, the U.K. and Ireland?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 4:29pm

**They seem to be growing up with the silly idea that they can do anything as a result. It's one thing to tell a girl she can be anything, it's another to show her how to achieve the balance that makes it possible.**

Funny, I was a SAHM full time till my oldest DD was around 10. She's learned the same message that your daughters are learning.. How is that possible?

Currently she either wants to be a professional welder, Chef, marine biologist, or teacher. Go figure!

Kathi

Kathi 

Mom to Emily 16, Michael 12, and Miss Kimberley, diagnosed with autism at 2-1

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 4:40pm

**My friend had no choice. It fell to her to take care of her mom because her mom can't take care of herself.**

Ok, this was obviously a financial planning issue, not a SAH/WOH issue. What a shame your friend has taken on such a heavy burden all by herself. The way I see it, she's screwed by having such selfish and inconsiderate siblings. Not one of them can chip in and help one bit because they have families of their own? What makes their lives so much more important than your friends life? She sure pulled the short stick in that family. YIKES!

There should have been a family meeting 10 years ago when she first took on this burden. It should have been worked out to be spread evenly over the siblings, not just your friend's obligation. Now she's dug herself into a deep pit with no way out so it seems. I do hope her siblings are driving used vehicles, not new, and don't spend money on fancy vacations or luxuries. How awful of them to allow her to shoulder this on her own. Either she's a severe martyer, or her family is just awful.

Kathi

Kathi 

Mom to Emily 16, Michael 12, and Miss Kimberley, diagnosed with autism at 2-1

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 5:15pm

Our budget was a bit tight when I quit full time. We lost our health insurance, and my yearly bonus. We picked up private health insurance, so we were covered. While it was a bit tighter during my SAH years, we both felt it was worth it to our family, our convenience, our lifestyle. We managed to move up to a larger house during that time, so it's not like we were really hurting. Just hit the market at the right time and scored! Now that I'm back working ft again, things should be smooth sailing.

Kathi

Kathi 

Mom to Emily 16, Michael 12, and Miss Kimberley, diagnosed with autism at 2-1

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 5:31pm
My kids just get lonesome and since I don't allow them to have friends over or anything when there's not a parent home, they get bored. Very bored. They're spoiled rotten.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 5:42pm

Where was your mom? How little where you? Would u do the same?

My mom was SAH too, but we never came home to an empty house when we were little. Not until we were much older and she had gone back to school/work (plus she had our neighbour keep an eye on us). We were teens and were only home for maybe an hour.

The way I see it its not wether a mom is home when the kids get home, its wether there is a responsible adult (or older teen) present. And that can be accomplished by both SAHMs and WOHMs.

I personally prefer to be the one at home (or I think I will when ds goes to school), but that is just a preference. And it would not keep my from going to work if I wanted to.

josee

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 5:47pm

My mother was a SAHM the entire time I lived in the home and there were a few times that I came home to an empty house (my last two examples were straight from my personal life)."

Yep, that's consistent with my point. I can't remember any times but that doesnt mean there werent one or two or even 1/2 dozen. But the point is this...it wasnt the norm, it wasnt expected. We would often go to a friends house where the parents were *never* home till at least 5.30 p.m. Till our parents found out what we were doing...and we got in a world of trouble. Bad trouble.

"I was a SAHM for 12.5 year and there were a couple of times that my kids came home to an empty house. Live does not always stop between 2:00-5:00 in the afternoon."

Yes again, you've just proved my point. A couple of times isnt something the kids can count on. In fact, the opposite. They assume you'll be there. Just like we assumed my mother would be there. Just like my kids will assume their dad or I (depending on what we are up to at that time) will be there.

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 5:49pm

Funny, all of the brits I know don't consider themselves European. I wonder which one of us is right."

Oh, well considering its a *fact* that England and Ireland are part of Europe, that would be me who is right.

" A few months sounds more like a short trip than really living in and getting to know a country. How long did you live in Australia, the U.K. and Ireland?"

Australia one year (in addition to being married to an Australian, and going there every year for the past 10 years); UK 2 years (one as a child; one as an adult, and my god parents are both Brits); Ireland 1 year. Oh and I lived in Bermuda, which is *full* of expats, for 4 years.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 5:54pm
My mom was out doing things. We were usually busy in the afternoons with activities as well when we were teens so it didn't feel like a big deal (and neither my sister nor I ever did anything we weren't supposed to do). Most of my friends had SAHMs who weren't always at home in the afternoons either. My mom left us on our own when we were quite little (6 or 7) and that I wouldn't do, but ds will be on his own for a couple hours in the afternoon sometimes starting this fall. He's 11. It's quite normal for 10+ yo to be on their own for a couple of hours in the afternoon where I live. I haven't seen any kind of crisis with kids, however....

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