What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 7:03pm

The idea of 24/7 supervision is pretty new. At 44 I may or may not be older than laura-w2 but we are definately in the same age bracket. Although I was raised in the US, I was 10 in 1972, if that gives you an idea, and was frequently left to my own devices. It was considered normal back then and I would do it too but it is socially unacceptable in most places and possibly illegal in others. My SAHM mom turned into a WAHM via political office that paid a small stipend. Before holding that political office, she had to volunteer on a lot of other peoples' campaigns and do a fair bit of political work for free. So that's where she was as a SAHM (and in the same place as a WAHM, although I suppose you could say WOHM because although she was only in Town Hall for 3 hours a week, that's out of the home, but most political work was done in our house with meetings and phone calls and lots of reading).

This may vary by area, but the idea that kids should be in lockdown security supervision (very slight exaggeration) didn't catch on until the 80's, picked up steam in the 90's and is now at a level of supervision unprecedented in history. The only kids more tightly supervised than Americans are teen females in Saudi Arabia (another slight exaggeration, but still).

I wonder if this generation will do a 60's/70's style social upheaval when they reach adulthood and raise their kids in a 2020 version of hippie abandon. Or maybe they'll clamp down even further than we do, having grown up in the shadow of anti-terrorist and Zero Tolerance clampdown to the extent that a very short leash will feel natural. I hope I live long enough to find out. I'm very curious to see if they lash out 60's/70's style or embrace it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 7:25pm
But of course just because a pre teen or teen has dual WOHPs doesn't mean they come home to an empty house, nor that there's no one whose job it is to make sure the children stay out of trouble.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 7:31pm

"But, if you feel comfortable letting someone else care for your child the majority of the day, that's certainly your decision."


It doesn't necessarily come easily or naturally.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 7:33pm
Since mine weren't great sleepers either, I didn't enjoy their infant months.

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 7:38pm

But of course just because a pre teen or teen has dual WOHPs doesn't mean they come home to an empty house, nor that there's no one whose job it is to make sure the children stay out of trouble."

I'm sorry PNJ, where did I say that? I love this attempt to make points that I never made, and then debate them as if I had. LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 7:41pm

Yes, you're right, if you have no particular desire to SAH, your income wouldn't positively affect the family, and you have little trust in other caregivers.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 7:42pm
Why?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 7:48pm
You made that point in a post extolling the reasons why it's important to you to have a SAHP.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 8:02pm

I knew that would probably come back to bite at me. I went back to the original post I was responding to and it was specific to a MOTHER, her committment to her career, and how it affects her daughters.

***Speculation as to why girls have higher self esteem and higher educational attainment lead one to conclude that SAH/WOH as young children might very well matter.

One reason for this difference is moms committment to her own career rubbing off on her dd. Someone who quits to SAH isn't very committed to their career.

I suspect that this difference is because of the mothers attitude about education/working/career attainment not that she works. Women who are more committed to their careers are less likely to leave them and their dd's grow up seing their mothers as strong role models.***

So in that context, it appears to me that the committment to career is more important than committment to family. I know this isn't true, but to say that a woman isn't very committed to her career because she stays home isn't necessarily true either. At that moment, she's more committed to her family and young children. Children are only young once, careers can last a lifetime

Certainly there are many examples of women who quit to SAH who are indeed very committed to their careers, who went back to those careers when their children were school age without much ill effect. Those daughters get the same high self esteem boosting benefits of having a working mother, and they had a SAHP when they were younger.

Kathi

Kathi 

Mom to Emily 16, Michael 12, and Miss Kimberley, diagnosed with autism at 2-1

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 8:10pm

piping in very late...

my DH and i don't really give up a whole lot for me to SAH. the few things that i would really like to be able to have we can't...not because of our choice to SAH, but because of identity theft/bank fraud. the obliteration of our credit and funds have put a major stop in our plans to buy a house, and our new need to buy a new car.

the way i see it, in our particular little corner of the world we would end up giving up more (financialy and otherwise) if i took on a FT job then what we are doing now. day care is so ridiculously pricey here, i'd be working to pay for day care...so i can work. LOL.

i am taking on a part time job in sept, in part to help ease the financial problems the SOB that stole from us put us in, and partly to help a friend who is opening up her own business. but the job allows me to work a minimum of ours when my DH is at home. plus i have alternative income with things like commissions and such, all that is done in the home when the baby is sleeping.

i think a lot of people equate SAHP with one income....when there are ways to make a living or at least a decent secondary income while still maintaining a SAHP status.

that said, i guess my DH and i do go without, but its without the things we didn't really "go with" in the first place. some people keep mentioning jewlrey...i barely wear jewelry so i don't have a lot of it. and i doubt i ever will. we don't go out to eat all that much, but with specialized diets its a PITA to find a resteraunt that will cater to us without a hassle. we don't go out partying anymore...well once you have a baby thats just not in the cards....LOL. and i rarely ever took a vacation before the baby, i'm not sure why i would start now.

yet we have insurance, 401k plans, retirement plans, and full life insurance (both term and whole) and once we re-establish our credit we will once again be approved for a mortgage and go house hunting. (again...dirty rotten SOB!).

so really, i don't think you have to give up all that much to SAH.

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