What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 8:21am
ITA. Isn't one of the perks of having older children being able to do things without having to worry about childcare or dragging kids along with you.


Edited 8/13/2006 8:22 am ET by texigan-again
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 8:39am
Whie I agree that I wouldnt SAH if we didnt have financial planning in place, I wont judge others for their choices. I also agree that there are lots of ways one can more poor financial decisions and that it is not in any way exclusive to SAH.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 8:58am

It's more warning than judging but I do get irked at those who do disgusting things like take WIC because they don't want to work and they can't feed their kids if they don't. That bugs me and since I'm paying the bill, I have every right to complain.

Maybe it's just coincidence but I've met a lot of SAHM's who are on some form of assistance. That bugs me. If you can't afford to feed your kids, GET A JOB. The rest of us who are working do not owe it to you to support you.

Don't get me wrong, I think we need such programs for people who really can't support themselves but when you hear a mom extolling the virtues of being a SAHM and how it's worth the sacrifices and she's using WIC to buy baby formula, that bugs me. It's one thing to be unable to support yourself, it's another to declare that you're choosing a lifestyle that results in you not being able to support yourself and then expecting others to pick up the tab.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 9:49am
Do you only "believe in" statistics and studies that parellel your own views?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 9:50am
So people who frequent the library instead of purchasing a large library of books do not pass on the same love of books to their kids? That is ridiculous.
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 10:35am
Yes same thing when I've visited friends in France. Similar in other parts of Europe. Singapore? Now that's news to me. I spent 6 months there and its one of the most highly regulated places I've been to. I didnt see any kids drinking but that doesnt mean it isnt going on. My aussie husband wasnt allowed to have a beer at home till he was 18...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 10:37am

That I can agree with as well. I just think you and I differ on our beliefs as to how many women are actually doing this.

I also am all for women using govt programs for their intended use. My sister, for example, used it to help for about 3 yrs, while she finished her bachelors, and then got her Masters. She now makes a great living and is paying back the system. She didnt work while she attended school, so some make think she sponged, but I think she was doing the best she could under her circumstances (mistake pg and father taking off w/out paying CS, etc) She *could* have just quit school and earned min wage, or she *could* have done school and work and never seen her baby. However, those werent ideal in her mind. I would never begrudge someone like this for using govt help to actually make a difference in their lives. Although you may think differently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 10:54am
LOL. I think you've hit the nail on the head.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 11:02am
Do you honestly think that the years leading up the the pre-teen years are not influential at all? I don't know about your children but mine have a few years to go until they reach the teen years, but they are already asking questions about "life." Issues such as drinking, sex, etc., just don't "start" with the pre-teen years. The environment your children is raised in their entire life - and I mean from infancy - plays a major role in who they will be and the type decisions they're likely to make. That you don't think the younger years are critical amazes me. I have an 8yo who is VERY inquisitive about relationships and other topics that I didn't think about until I was a teenager.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 11:07am

**your attitude is it's something you do when it's convenient vs. it's something that is important enough to protect the future of, you send a different message.**

I don't know any SAHM who has that attitude or projects that attitude about work. Taking time off to SAH with children, or cutting back hours so either parent can be home doesn't denigrate work. During my stint SAH my children probably overheard DH and I discussing how important it was to us to have a parent home with our children. When the time came for me to get back into the workforce, they saw me take classes and doing homework...that it was worth working hard. I explained to them that I enjoyed learning the things I was learning and was excited to be putting my new knowledge to use. When I was preparing taxes, they were impressed that I understood all those forms and laws, and got so excited when the H&R Block commercials came on.

I then switched tracks....finding a better and more personally satisfying opportunity with the school district. They heard about my interviews, tests, experiences and understood the importance of my work. They understand how it will benefit our family as well as the people I'll be working with. They are impressed and proud that I'm a teaching assistant helping a very special population of students who really truly are in need. (CTE clinical therapeutic education for severely emotionally disturbed 6-8 graders). They've seen other students from the school greet me with "Hey teacher..." and are proud.

I honestly don't see how they're getting a message of "work is something you do when it's convenient". I do think they've gotten the message of "family is something very important, worth taking time off for", "You can do whatever you set your mind to" "Education is important" and "You're never too old for school or learning". All very good lessons in my book.

Kathi

Kathi 

Mom to Emily 16, Michael 12, and Miss Kimberley, diagnosed with autism at 2-1

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