What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:37pm
I've answered that in several other posts. Most of my friends had SAHMs who weren't always at home in the afternoons from the time they were in junior high. It was quite normal in California in the 70s. At that time, we lived in one of the most affluent parts of the Bay Area.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:47pm
i will respectfully disagree. 0-5 do need discipline, just like the 6-18 but not all kids do well with structure. i have three kids one does very well with structure, one could care less and one does not need structure. kids are individuals, what works with one will not work with the other. as parents our job is to adapt our parenting to fit the needs of our individual children. my three year old copies everything he sees too, as a parent i help him learn to decide which things he is seeing are acceptable and what is not, if what he sees are only things that are acceptable how will he ever learn to make decisions.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:51pm
my son is only three, he has a sahm and yet he spends the whole day outside playing with neighborhood kids, i wonder why me being home would change what influence they had over him, since he spends most of the day with them.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:53pm

Yes, married with husbands who WOH. Some women seem to think it's part of their religion to SAH any way they can. This one surprised me as this is not a poor area but when I joined the moms group there were several moms on WIC. There were only a few dozen moms in the moms group and most SAH. The meetings just happened to fit into my work schedule so I attended. I still to the moms night out activities.

I have known single moms on welfare too but I don't have any issue with someone who is doing all they can to support their kids. It bugs me to see women do it deliberately though. If you can't afford to feed your kids if you SAH then get a job already.

I think who you see on assistance will vary by area. This is a lower-middle to middle class area. You don't have to be unemployed or even living in poverty to get WIC. It's intended as a supplement for the working poor who don't qualify for welfare. From what was said at the meetings, your income can be well above poverty and you can still qualify. A couple of the women tried to convince me that that's what I should do. Quit my job and see if I qualify for some form of assistance on just dh's salary. At the time, they were telling me I would have. I never looked into it so I don't know for sure. That is something I would never consider.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:54pm
That's right. It's a lifestyle preference. No more, no less. And it makes no difference when all is said and done other than YOU got the lifestyle YOU prefer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:55pm
it would only be poor time management if the parent felt it was important to be in the house every time their kids walked thru the door. personally i dont think it is all that important. i have yet to have anything bad happen to my kids by them coming home and waiting for 10-15 minutes for me to get home
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 12:57pm
They have me confused with someone else. I've worked since my girls were small babies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:02pm
personally i tend not to put too much stock into statistics or studies or any kind. mainly because if you search hard enough you can find a statistic or study to back up any stance you want to take. i prefer to go with what i know and see and that is my children, in our neighborhood, school and community. a study may say that daycare is bad, that was not my expereince at all, my oldest had opportunities open to her thru daycare that my youngest will not have because they dont go to daycare, for her daycare was a plus all the way around. that doesnt mean it would be that way for every child but i have to do what works for my kids and for our family. so studies are pretty useless.
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:05pm

Let's see, they work when it's convenient and don't when it's not. Actions speak louder than words. While your kids won't remember that action, the attitude from which is was born is yours for life.

Yes, I believe that WOHM's view career/employment differently that SAHM's. I don't see it as something to take up and leave as I see fit. I see it as important enough to protect. I think, when all is said and done, this one is going to go along with the owning books/vs. reading thing. It's not the action but rather the beleifs that spawned the action.

Someone reading to their baby might be doing it because they have been told reading to baby is good. Someone who owns their own library has conviction about learning and the financial means to own her own books. That's not chump change.

If there's anything that will rub off on my kids, it will be my convictions. I can take them to church every Sunday and to VBS but if they don't see me living by my convictions, it's not likely to hit home in any way. Kids can tell how important things are to you. They're not stupid. My career was important to me before kids and after kids because career is just important to me. It's not important when it suits me and not when it doesn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:16pm

"Let's see, they work when it's convenient and don't when it's not. Actions speak louder than words. While your kids won't remember that action, the attitude from which is was born is yours for life.

Yes, I believe that WOHM's view career/employment differently that SAHM's. I don't see it as something to take up and leave as I see fit."

You just showed there that you think anyone who stays at home doesnt see their job/career as important. You just lumped all SAH parents into this group. I've said before, not all SAH parents stay at home their whole childrens' life. I work now, it's not convenient because it's hard to get time in, but I do it anyway.

A SAHP does not equal wishy washy in regards to employement, I really really doubt that is what kids see.

if someone who SAH for 3 years then returned to work and really dedicated themselves to that work lumped in this category as well? Just because they took 3 years off?

It's obvious you're really jaded about SAH... you've provided a few examples of SAH that have seem to be not the norm. Sorry you feel like that about anyone who SAH, but if this board should prove to you, you can SAH and have everything you think we lose when we take time off.

You're not going to convince us all that we're setting bad examples for our children. I do not beleive that, and I doubt many people here agree with you.
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Oh look! A dead horse! Lets go beat it some more!

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