What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:19pm

Rediculous or not, that is what they found. Strangely, if you own the books, you don't even have to read them to your kids. It's strictly a putting your money where your values are thing. It's not the action of owning books but rather your attitude about learning that spawns a desire to actually own books and make them part of you.

This I really believe. I don't recall my mother ever reading to us or us to each other. We did go to the library a lot (moms way of getting rid of us for a Saturday afternoon, lol) but the books that meant the most to me were the two sets of encyclopedias my mother scrimped and saved to buy. I remember them coming one book a time and it being a really big deal to own them. This is where my love affair with learning started. I'm the only person I know who actually read encyclopedias as a kid. They were special books because they were ours. (We also had the full Dr. Suess series again, treasured because they were ours. Those were purchased on the monthly plan after we were old enough to read them ourselves.)

When I went to the library, I picked up something easy and light because mom made me get a book but I could, and did, stay up all night reading those encyclopedias after I outgrew Dr. Suess. I can't tell you how many times mom found me asleep on the floor in the hallway next to the book shelf they were on. I find this one very easy to believe. I'm almost certain that my mom never read to me. I know she didn't my younger brothers and sisters and I don't recall her ever reading a book herself other than the Bible or one assigned by the church. We didn't start going to the library until we could read ourselves.

My mother valued education enough to buy two, very expensive, sets of encyclopedias in spite of not really being able to afford them. That action says something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:21pm
Who said it was? Women who outearn their dh's are simply proof that women are not destined to be the second income. We can be the primary breadwinner. In a society that views men as the primary breadwinner, having a mom who out earns your dad is special because it is different and elevates women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:23pm
That's the point. They were unprepared. We need to learn by what happened to them. You can, almost, not hold them to blame since they likely grew up in a time when women could expect their marriages to last forever and then the divorce rate skyrocketed. We need to learn from the mistakes of the previous generations.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:25pm
Few people value themselves only in terms of salary. That department likely goes to the WD in a SAHW situation moreso than a WM who shares the job of supporting her family. I value many things. The ability to support my family is but one of them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:35pm
You keep making the same statement that SAH/WOH makes no difference in the end. While it may be true statistically that kids all turn out about the same regardless, when applied on an individual level, it certainly *can* make a difference. I have read plenty of posts on this very board from mothers who have changed their work status based on how their children were adapting to WOH/SAH. Some kids will not do well in DC, some will not do well at home. You cannot show me *any* statistic that says different. Statistics and studies are fine for judging overall outcomes and can be used as a guide, but nothing more. They in no way are meant to imply that all kids are the same and will handle any given circumstance the same way. It's bull to say otherwise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:43pm
I agree completely and would never in a million years make a choice for my family based solely on a study. It's totally ridiculous IMO.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:45pm
That makes more sense then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:59pm

Bull. I dont believe for a second that buying a book is more important than reading itself. Nor do I believe that using the library is worthless. Unless you can provide a link for your source, I'll file that little tidbit in my circular file.

For the record, my love affair with books started way before I could read an encyclopedia. More like in the chewing the board book age. My kids also show a passion for being read to and my oldest DS (3.5) is already reading simple words himself. My mother read to us several times a day, took us to the library at least weekly and often times more, and I do the same with my kids. Maybe if your mom had spent more time reading to you (and reading herself, which sets a wonderful example), you wouldnt have been so late developing a love of books! I do remember my favorite book were a set of Childcraft Encyclopedias that my mom got from a friend, but those probably werent worth the paper they were written on because they werent bought with money, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 2:08pm

However, the place that most closely mimics the structure that a child will need to abide by in school is a daycare. A daycare (for toddlers old enough for structure and discipline) is like a pre-pre school. The kids learn that they are one in a group, that they must learn to get along with other members of the group, and that they must obey a variety of adults. It's a lot more like school than being at home with a SAHP parent or nanny is. So the need for structure and discipline in ages 0-5 is not a good argument to hang your hat on to promote SAHM over use of daycare. If anything, a daycare day is likely to be far more structured than days at home. It has to be since multiple children must be fed, napped and pottied and scheduling is the most efficient way to get this done.

In fact, some SAHMS have used the structure of daycare as an argument for their children staying at home (a nanny gets the same effect). They want their 0-5yo's to have less structure since they are going to spend 5-18 (or 22) in a highly structured school enviroment and 0-5 is their chance to get up when they want, eat when they are hungry and not when the group eats, and just to generally gad about without having to always do what the group is scheduled to do.

As for discipline, the daycares have to do it to, probably equally as much as any parent for any given child. In order to prevent the child from whacking the other children, running into the street or grabbing toys, the same level of discipline will be needed at daycare as at home. More discipline will be needed at daycare than at home if the child is an only child and does not have to take turns or share except at daycare.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 2:10pm
Good point. I doubt you'll get a response though.

Pages