What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 5:40pm
Don't Japanese women SAH once they have kids, just to make sure they can micromanage every last detail, or am I misinformed?

Sabina

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 5:41pm
Where we live it couldn't be safer, but that doesn't stop the hyperparents from doing the 24/7 supervision thing.

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 5:52pm
I wasn't actually advocating SAH over DC. I had said that WOH moms can easily provide structure for their child. I think if you SAH you have to work more at having a structured day. I think I would use DC just for that reason as DD 1 gets older. I dont want school to be too much of a shock to her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 5:52pm
i just cant raise my kids that way - i dont want them to grow up afraid of everything and everyone. there is a lady who lives down the street from us and she is one of those hypermoms, her child is the only child in the neighborhood who is not allowed to go out to play unless she is right there with her. i always feel a bit sorry for the little girl, having to watch all the other kids out playing and riding their bikes and she cant join it. i was working with her on a project afterschool on day in the cafeteria at school and her daughter walked around the corner into the lobby, the minute she was out of her sight she dropped what she was doing and took off after her. i mean what bad thing is going to happen in the school building. she even said, i wish i could let her feel safe in her school but i just cant let go - so sad for the kid in my opinion
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:08pm

Had you read all of my posts on the subject, you would have seen that I was home alone quite a bit earlier than junior high. Since you missed those posts, I'll repeat: I often came home to an empty house from the time I was 6 or 7. It was the norm in Mexico, where I lived at that time. We were all also out and about without adult supervision at that age. The norm in California at that time was somewhat later (maybe 10 or 11, when most of my friends started babysitting). I haven't left my children at home alone at the age of 6 or 7 and don't intend to, but it is still quite common in other countries (certainly Switzerland, Germany and Austria to my knowledge) to leave kids home alone as early as 6 or 7 for an hour or two. Kids seem to survive the experience quite well.




Edited 8/13/2006 6:20 pm ET by cl-laura_w2
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:13pm

Sad for the mom, too, to have to live with these unrealistic fears on top of the ones that actually are realistic, like substance abuse, driving, unprotected sex... mine are 13 and 17yo right now, and I'm really glad I never sweated the little kid stuff.

Sabina

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:21pm

I don't see that in the numbers. It's not a contradiction to not talk about something that isn't there. The numbers don't support SAH. For the reasons I stated earlier.

In the case of the aggression studies, all of the children exhibited normal levels of aggression. They just saw it displayed by more children. Ok, you see something that is normal displayed by more children. What's the problem other than having to address more such instances? I just don't see this as an issue worth changing your working status over given that about half the kids who show aggression (btw they lumped assertive behaviors with aggressive behaviors for this study) will show it with a SAHM too.

So, if your child is normally aggressive, there is a better than 50% chance you can reduce the amount of "normal" displayed aggression until they start school if you SAH. Ok, what did you just accomplish? An easier to handle 4 yo? I don't know about you but I'm not giving up the benefits of WOH so that my 4yo will be easier for me to handle. It's not like other care makes kids aggressive. It just gives them a venue to display it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:22pm

"How did you avoid sleep deprivation when your second one was an infant?"

I only have one, so can't speak to that--I have a few friends who SAH with more than one child under 3 years old; they put their toddlers down for the afternoon nap as soon as the infant goes to sleep, and then they nap while they can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:26pm

Please post a link to this bell curve of differences. I've never seen that anywhere but here.

No, that's not how it works. They don't create a bell curve of differences. They create a bell curve of what they are measureing and see if it compares to the bell curve generated by the control group. How would one go about generating a bell curve of differences? You'll have to explain this one to me, two years of college statistics has me wondering about that one.

So how did they know how much situation A caused child 201 to change? To know that, they'd have to measure child 201 under both situations. How do you do that? You measure child 201 with a SAHM and then a WOHM? If so, you measure this child at different ages. No, there is no bell curve of differences with some kids changing one way, others changing another and even if there were, you would never know which way your child would change so you could be guessing wrong.

That is just nonsense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:28pm
I stated above you can find discussions of this in the book "Freakenomics". It's not on line.

Pages