What would you give up to stay home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
What would you give up to stay home?
1422
Sat, 08-05-2006 - 8:36am

Hi everyone.

I have always said that staying home is so important to me that I would give up many things to be able to do that. We live in a very small home, I have no jewelry and we buy all our clothes at Walmart. I know that if I went back to work, we could afford more. But I would never trade being at home for a larger house or more luxuries.

However, after reading this board I have started to suspect that there are things I would not want to give up. If I couldn't send my kids to preschool a couple of hours a day, if I couldn't afford any after school activities like ballet lessons or if I could'nt afford any kind of summer program for them, I think I would have to find a way to go back to work. So basically, I'm perfectly happy to deny myself "things." But I would not want to take much away from the kids.

Of course I would probably have to find a new career becuase I could never work the 80 hours a week my old career entailed.

Lilypie Baby Ticker

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:32pm
What page in the book are you finding that this was a comparison of "bookless" homes to homes with books? Somehow I missed that they did a comparison to bookless homes. I would think bookless homes would be pretty hard to find these days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:34pm
But one doesn't buy books unless one values them. Going to college is also an action but you don't do it if you don't value education. Buying the books is the proof of the value. My point is that is someone who doesn't have the same value went out and bought a truck load of books, they wouldn't see the same result because it's not the action that results in the difference but the value.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2005
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:49pm

"my 7 year old has come home to an empty house before, i just dont have a problem with her walking thru the front door without me being home to greet her. being 10/15 minutes behind the bus occassionally is not the end of the world in my world."

When I was in college one of the most popular professors greeted each one of her students at the door of the classroom a couple of minutes before she began lecturing. Although I don't remember her as the most dynamic lecturer, I do remember that we looked forward to her classes because she greeted us at the door like we were her #1 priority. I tried to take that practice into my own (high school)teaching, and when I got pregnant and had to run to the restroom between every passing period, my entire class would line up in the hall so I could welcome them into my classroom.

My mother WAH and sometimes PTWOH once my sister and I were in school, but even as a high school student I loved knowing I could come home after all the teenage trauma and she would be waiting with a bowl of fruit and pot of tea to hear all about my day. I found tremendous security in that. I'm sure she occasionally wasn't there, but I don't remember the exceptions, only what was normal in our family.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 6:50pm
No, you said that you saw a big difference in the women you know who had mothers with professional careers. They saw their careers as a source of personal satisfaction, whereas yours was just a paycheck.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 7:01pm

What evidence do you have to support your belief that income levels of sah families are significantly lower than income levels of dual-income families? I've seen census figures posted on these boards showing that median incomes of the two groups are pretty comparable.

And regardless of income, what evidence do you have that that sah families have less in savings than woh families? Anecdotal claims of women on a debate board that they've "sacrificed" to sah doesn't mean they have less in savings than another family or even that they won't have "enough."

Divorce? Wohms get divorced too, in greater numbers than sahms.

There are lots of factors that influence how much savings a family has: when they started saving, how much income they earn, what their lifestyle and expenses are like, how good they are at saving, how good they are at investing, etc.. Sah/woh is only factor, and certainly not the most important one.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 7:05pm

So you're saying that if a study doesn't show an overall statistical effect, that means there was no effect on any kids in the study?

If you don't know your kids well enough to predict beyond a mere "guess" what would or wouldn't be a good care situation for them, that's kind of sad.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 7:08pm

So you don't know anybody who prefers to spend their raises on bigger houses, etc.? I think you'd find far more people in that category than you would people who bank their raises.

I know a lawyer who donated his raises to charity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 7:15pm

no this was not the same study, and i do not think we are talking about the type of aggressivness.

being aggressive with regards to getting goals accomplished (like in a work place) is certainly a good thing.

punching another person in the face because you felt aggressive is not.

the type of aggression the studies are focusing on is the latter, a violent type of aggressivness.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 7:16pm

Well, that all depends. Some women will have to retrain; some won't. I didn't. Most of the educated sahms I know didn't have to retrain. It really depends on how long you stay out. Most women I know don't sah for more than a few years, so it really isn't the huge deal you make it out to be.

But I agree with you that if you don't start saving early, you'll have to make up for it by saving more later. For instance, someone who sah with her stepsons, then got an education and had kids of her own might find it harder to sah with her own kids and still safe enough for a comfortable retirement.

Personally, if I thought our retirement was so precarious that neither of us could ever take a few years off without jeopardizing it, I'd be aking some serious lifestyle changes. But that's just me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 7:34pm

i think you are misunderstanding both the studies, and my point with regards to the debate. again, the aggressivness noted in teh studies is not what you are talking about.

>>i see my job as a parent to provide them with the education and ability to think for themselves and adopt the ideals that they are comfortable with.<<

and that right there, are the ideals you wish your children to be raised with. if you want your children to be educated, think for themselves and make good decisions then you MUST teach them to do that, or have someone who is like minded teach them that. otherwise someone else will teach them what they want them to know. which could very well be a close minded, under educated bigoted point of view of the world and are never taught to question anything. we all know there are plenty of people out tehre like that...and where do you think they learned this from? the people who put the time and effort into raising them when they were children.

>>you know one thing that always interests me is while we rate daycares you never see us rating family homes. do you really think the number of kids living in mediocre to poor homes is less than 50%.<<

day cares are state regulated, homes are not. and while i think that parents should recieve training prior to becoming parents it is against the law to do that. there are plenty of children however, who are removed from bad homes on a regular basis....so someone IS paying attention.

and yes, i think my home would rate very well. save for the disinfection of my hands every time i touch my daughter, i think if the AAP were to come to my house, they would be pleasantly surprised.

>>how much time is it that these child psychologists say needs to be put in? and as parents to you really want yourself to be the only people you children mimic?<<

they haven't put any exact amount on it yet, i'm thinking for PC reasons to be honest. but they have noted that a few hours before bed five to seven nights a week is not really enough, not in the early years of development. and no, i don't think your child should be *isolated* from the rest of society. i never even hinted that i feel that way. however, the debate was sparked by a statement saying that there was no particular time in a childs development when one age was more inportant than the other, and i'm making it known that there *is* a critical age group for deveolpment and how day care/othercare/at home care affects children in these age groups.

basically, if you want your child to be taught certain things, (so they turn out kind, open minded, respectful, educated....all the things you want) you'd better be sure that either you, or someone who upholds your ideals will be the person spending the most amount of time teaching your child from birth to age five. after that the child has developed the skill to filter new information (the "filter" being the lessons they learned prior to that age) and are better equipped to handle new influences, both good and bad.

>>i think my kids are turning out to be pretty neat people i have to assume the influence of those other people is helping to form who they are becoming - i owe them a big thanks.<<

you certainly do. and yuo were very lucky to have the type of people around who would influence your children to be "neat" as you put it, or desirable to you, as i read it. you could have ended up with inlaws like mine, nightmares who think abuse is OK and women belong in the kitchen, barefoot, subservient and pregnant.

needless to say, my daughter will NOT be allowed near them until she has a firm grasp on what is, and isn't the truth with regards to women, children and abuse. (as well as self esteem! my god, imagine the damage these people could do!)

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