What would YOU have to do to SAH?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
What would YOU have to do to SAH?
2476
Fri, 02-13-2009 - 5:09pm

If you're a WOH/WAH mom, what sort of "downsizing" would you need to do in order to afford to be a SAHM? (SAHM defined here as not earning any money)

For me, I would have to put all our non-essential possessions in storage and move in with my parents.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2008
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 5:34pm

Yes, believe it or not he did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2008
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 5:37pm

No, that was almost 15 years ago.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2008
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 5:46pm

Well, our son was a newborn at the time, so I highly doubt he was affected much, if at all.


Also, whether a man is away fro long stretches of time, what does it matter "why"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 5:49pm

Oh geezzzz... given that I am the breadwinner in the family, for me to SAH...we would need to:

- move somewhere far from where we live now - probably another state - so we could afford housing
- give up ALL non-essentials including even renting the occasional movie
- sell most of our possessions
- grow as much of our own food as possible
- get rid of one or both cars
- liquidate our retirement accounts

Oh to heck with this list, we'd just end up having to go on food stamps, or get most of our food from the food bank. And we'd also need public health insurance to take care of my psychiatric bills, because I would go splendidly nuts if I stayed at home and did nothing to earn any money.


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Why hide your light under a bushel of bears, I ask you?

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Why hide your light under a bushel of bears, I ask you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2008
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 5:49pm

That does sound like it sucked---makes you wonder what made him marry her in the first place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2008
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 5:58pm

LOL---no!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 6:14pm

again, to each his own, BUT certainly not the way that I would have gone NOR ex (when we were married). I'm sorry that he marginilized HIS OWN role in his child's life. It's got to be really hard to be an involved dad when working 80 hours per week.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 6:17pm

actually, he has sole custody of his dd and she lives with us. The mother has no rights whatsoever. I function pretty much as her mom.

and yes, I do certainly wonder "why in the heck did he marry her?". He's told me that he was lonely and worried about not having someone in his old age -- and that he knew it was a mistake before he even went through with the ceremony. He did have low self-esteem that was "cured" through his court-appointed therapy sessions. His therapist helped him work through SO many issues - and I credit him for bringing dh to the man that he is today.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2008
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 7:12pm

Good for him---looks like everything worked out well for him and his daughter.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 02-18-2009 - 7:26pm

Yes, things have worked out very, very well for dh and his dd. She's come a long way and had to make up alot of ground that was lost in those first 5 years.

As for workaholics -- sure there are some, but it's got to be REALLY hard to woh something like 80 or more hours per week and be involved in raising your children (beyond providing financial support).

Ex worked more hours than I was comfortable with -- but never to the equivalent of 2 jobs. To some extent, as a business owner, he had to do that. In fact, throughout most of those years, i operated much as a single parent. Now that we're divorced, he actually has much more time to devote to the kids on a regular basis.

One of the reasons that dh and I work so well together is that he works a fairly standard 45 hour week -- and he doesn't need to bring any work home with him. Additionally, he only travels once or twice per year (and no more than 2-4 days at a time).

I should also mention that due to his first marriage, he was ecstatic that not only was I a wohm, but that I was working hard to raise my three children. Given his previous marriage, I'm sure he would have thought long and hard whether to get involved with me if I had been a sahm.

eileen

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