what's your sore spot?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
what's your sore spot?
124
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 12:09am

So what's your sore spot?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 4:30am

Mine have more to do with biomom/biodad/stepparenting issues than with WOH/SAH. My ex and I get along really well. I like him and his wife and consider them among my dearest friends.

But we didn't start out that way. My ex cheated on me. heck when he left me for his wife, he had ANOTHER girlfriend as well (and he had to break up with her, too..and he nearly ended up losing his now wife over the whole mess). It was NOT an amiable split and we worked REALLY hard to get to where we are now.

So when people dismiss my situation now and tell me I don't know what it's like to co-parent with a jerk...or that it's easy for me or one of any number of other stupid assumptions that the Good Relationship Fairies came and bestowed happy fart rainbows of sunshine poop on us but THEY have it SOOO different and what not...okay, so does this paragraph show my sore spot or what? LOL

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 8:26am

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 10:07am

this is mine too -- only I get it not only from other divorced parents who tell me 'oh I could NEVER do that.... you're so LUCKY.... you don't know what it's like..."blah blah balh... yeah I do. I had a VERY difficult marriage with my ex husband but I've worked my oversized butt off to make a happy healhty emotionally stable coparenting relationship with him -- and it's paid off in spades...but it didn't happen over night andit takes alot of work.

and on the flip side are the married moms who tell me that i"m fooling myself if I think that I haven't irreparably screwed up Liza by getting divorced -- who refuse to believe I like my ex husban infinitely more now that he's happy with his new wife, that I talk to him every day, that he sent me his wedding pictures so i could ooh andahh over how cute Liza looked -- (and to make fun of his bald spot) that Liza is happy and safe in two great homes -- nope nope nope 'couldn't be true' becaus (you know what's coming)....STUDIES SHOW OTHERWISE..

Yeah..studies...THAT's my sore spot. Studies can kiss my grits as far as Im concerned...

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 10:17am

I got along really well with my ex-H's ex, the mother of his DD.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 10:26am

Well, you missed the best one. the one where, "You get along with your ex? You probably still have feelings for him." they fall into two camps. It's either very sad and they pity you or you're just mockingly pathetic.

sigh...

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 10:31am

That's when I usually yank out the 'I'm a lesbian you idiot" argument -- then i further explain that my big overwhelming gayness is one of the things that HELPS us all get along -- his new wife knows I don't want him back -- Kelly knows I don't want him back -- he's not threatened by Kelly b/c he doesn't see her as a competting "dad' figure and I'm not threatened by Jess as Liza's step mom b/c she's AWESOME.

oh yeah that's the other thign that bugs me the 'oh doesn't it bother you she'll have a step mom?" Um...what is this Cinderella? No ..frankly I'm thrilled.

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 10:45am

"Oh your kids are so LUCKY to get English for free! It's so great that you always speak English with them!"

I hear this all the time and it drives me batty, particularly when (as is often the case) it is said by people who otherwise strongly disapprove of parents speaking a different language at home with children. First, my kids aren't lucky, their just stuck with a mother who refuses to speak anything other than her native language with her own children. It just so happens to be that language is English, but if it were Persian, Hindu, Swahili, or Mandarin Chinese I'd still be speaking that language at home exclusively. Second, I'm not speaking English with them at home so that they can get a leg up on the other kids at school (English is mandatory here). I speak English with them because that is the language of my heart and it is the only language my entire family speak. If they can't speak English, they lose all contact with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, and that would be a shame!

Worst example of this sort of thing: My SIL (Austrian, living in Austria) once ranted on and on about those "horrible" Turkish parents who insisted on speaking Turkish at home with the kids and, god forbid, insisted on cooking weird, non-Austrian foods. After all, if they are going to live in Austria they should speak only German at home and learn how to be culturally Austrian in every aspect of their lives. After about 15 minutes of this, I quietly, but firmly, pointed out that although we lived in Switzerland (at least at the time the conversation took place), I spoke exclusively English with ds and still cooked all sorts of American foods. I also pointed out that although we planned on staying in Europe permanently, I would never speak anything other than English with my children. Her response: "Oh, but that's different!" ARGH! Of course, it's only different because English is a high-status language.

I've had that same conversation with any number of Americans who complain bitterly about immigrants still speaking the home language with their kids. Otoh, it seems perfectly natural to them that I would speak English with mine, and I also get the "oh but they're so lucky to learn so many languages when they are so young" spiel from them as well (of course, German and Swedish are also relatively high-status languages....).

Avatar for timpanedes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 11:54am

I guess my push button issues are tolerance related.

Lilypie 2nd Birthday Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 12:02pm
LOL, we get that too. I must admit that it does not bug me that much, since I lived through 5 years of mostly negative reactions while we were in the US, "you are teaching her GREEK? But how will she learn to speak English then?" [Completely ignoring, of course, that I was speaking English to the kid and did not speak any Greek.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 04-06-2008 - 12:15pm

Even a lot of Swedes, who are generally otherwise fairly relaxed about the whole concept of a different language being spoken at home, have raised their eyebrows at the thought of three languages. One of our ex-neighbors, a school teacher, flat-out told us that we were asking for trouble by sending the kids to a Swedish school. Apparently, we should have opted for an English school somewhere to keep the number of languages to which our kids were exposed to a minimum. Anything else was just cruel.

How he expected the kids to function in Swedish society as adults without a native-like ability in the language was beyond me.

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