When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:24pm
I asked yesterday but Iaudrey still hasn't said what kind of dr. she is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:43pm
Because there will a time sweet young girls turn into teenagers and young adults.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:51pm
This plan will work if in fact your teenage girls are seeing an OB/GYN while in highschool. As long as you accept that their OB/GYN will discuss birth control and STD's, then there's no problem. The problem arises if your dd's DON'T have an OB/GYN when they become sexually active (many girls don't get an OB/GYN until adulthood) and then the discussion defaults to the ped.

While it is very important to discuss unwanted pregnancies and STD's with your kids, it does not pre-empt having a doctor do it. In fact, a lot of girls (including my young self) would rather get the clinical information from a doctor because it feels like it is from an unbiased source. When mom delivers a lecture on the dangers of STD's, the kids can't listen objectively because it is so mortifying to even hear the word "sex" come out of a parent's mouth. But a doctor can deliver this same lecture and it will be listened to objectively because it won't be colored by any "mom thinks I do THAT?" or "mom knows I do THAT?" emotion that can cloud the listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:06pm
Also I wanted to add that our Peds has adolescent specialists. Which I think is great when kids are outgrowing their ped but still not ready for "grown up" doctors. I think that an ob-gyn may be more of a "specialist" when it comes to giving a pelvic. However I think dealing with the mind frame and thinking of an adolescent is far more important than the examination itself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:18pm
My dh does mostly research. But whatever it is that I am doing, according to LTB, I must not be working "hard" since I'm posting here. When posters resort to "you're posting too much here", I see it as when sit-coms bring in a kid to save a dying show.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:23pm
I'm confused about why you're so adament that a ped not ask questions re: your "sweet girls" sexual activity. I think you don't want the ped to do this because it's the OB/GYN's job, right? Well, how will you determine whether your girls are ready to see an OB/GYN? If you don't know whether they are sexually active or not (b/c they probably won't tell you, and you don't want a ped inquiring) will you just send them to one when they reach a certain age? Would you be less opposed to a ped asking these questions if your ped was a woman?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:25pm
Why would that make a difference?

Edited to add:

I believe your involvement in this subthread started because

-I questioned CP's claim that her pediatrician dh does not believe that excessive TV watching is bad and that he does not ask his patients' parents about TV watching.

-I said that TV watching as well as other "social" questions were important part of a pediatrician's visit.

-You came in and said that it's not the job of the pediatrician.

-I disagreed and said that it is part of what we are taught to do in medical school.

If you wrote something about what is considered standard teaching in law school, I would tend to take it at face value -- because you have had first hand experience.


Edited 8/18/2004 8:06 pm ET ET by iaudrey00

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:25pm
So a ped asking about birth control pills is ok with you but asking about sex is not?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:31pm

Thanks...we had a great vacation.


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The doctor was most interested in how active he was, how he ate, how he acted when in a new situation or felt scared....these factors all play apart in how the heart works.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:33pm
It's not unreasonable that *you* would prefer an OB/GYN to do your pelvic exams. It's certainly your choice. But you are incorrect to say that most internists do one a week. In my residency (not OB/GYN BTW), in one evening at urgent care, I would average about 4. And cocoapop is right. It doesn't take that much skill to do a pap smear.

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