When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 7:38pm
Don't your doctors communicate?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 8:12pm
Ahhh, looks like you missed out on a Very Important Episode of Doogie Howser, M.D. See, Doogie was running around ragged being the best doctor he could, studying a lot and being very business-like. He was irritated at his patients who wanted to just chat with him, wasting his time. He just couldn't figure out what was wrong with this one old lady who was showing odd symptoms. Finally a wise friend told him that a good doctor spends a little time getting to know his patients. Doogie didn't think that made much sense but he sat down and chatted with the old lady, just to give this whole "get to know the person, not just the chart" concept a whirl. He quickly discovered that the woman had recently been to Mexico and had purchased handmade pottery with a ceramic glaze that can be poisonous if eaten off. Viola! That was what was wrong with her and he probably would have never figured it out if he hadn't sat down and taken the time to talk about something not directly related to her health.

In a thread lambasting TV, I am here to say that sometimes you can learn something from TV. My advice is to find out when the Doogie reruns are in your area.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 8:18pm
First person in a debate to start question the other person's use of time online loses

One of the oldest "rules" of the internet--I think it started on usenet.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:02pm
nonononononononono!!!! What if she sees the episode of Doogie performing brain surgery at a campsite, using a Black & Decker power drill? (I'm pretty sure he did NOT use the masonry bits!)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:17pm

Your posts gives some potential insight into your subconcious views of the genders and their 'place' in the world


You've consistently referred to pediatricians as men; OB/GYNs as women; and are now asking why PnJ didn't hire a man to care for her boys.


Interestingly enough my children's pediatricians have all been women. . .my OB/GYNs have all been men; and

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 9:33pm

Good point.


PA...who currently has a wonderful wonderful male ob, after firing the lousy women one after ds1 was born and has a male who is her primary after losing a wonderful women to retirement.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 10:10pm
Are you sure you aren't confusing Doogie with MacGyver?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:27pm
Hmmm. Because, see, when I mentioned that many heart problems are silent and asymptomatic for many years, I meant congenital heart problems.

I don't believe sonograms were around when you were born, so surely you cannot be holding your pediatricians incompetent for not diagnosing you in utero using one.

What evidence do you have that this was something that caused an audible problem all the way from the day you were born?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:37pm
Yes, it would be a waste for your daughter's pediatricians not to discuss sexual issues with them even though the Pap is done by another doctor. He certainly won't be rendering any opinions if you have your behind planted in his office while your daughter is meeting with him. If you'd leave, he just might.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:40pm
You do that if you want, but it just. . . isn't. . .necessary.

What in the world do you imagine will happen if someone who "only" performs a Pap once a week does it?

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