When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 11:47pm
Ah! The "horror story" approach to sex ed! Delightful!

Kind of reminds me of a friend I once had who as a young child lived in terror of ever doing something so risky as riding a bicycle, because it seemed his mother always knew someone who had lost an eye or gotten dismembered or something doing whatever it was he wanted to try. Of course, that only worked up until the point where he actually saw people doing said thing who weren't horribly maimed - at the point at which he realized much of what she had said was scare tactic BS, he then proceeded to disregard EVERYTHING she said as BS, and could be found happily riding the "A" train alone at 11:30 at night.

(Not the type of approach I take with my kid.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:42am
How 'bout this, she posts in the time many docs would have set aside for discussions of TV usage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 6:44am
You are quite informed. Are you a heart surgeon's wife? Because on this board, you know, that makes you just as good as being a heart surgeon yourself!

You: <>

Me: Exactly, I am quite old. That's why I qualified it with the words Nowadays and In MY Case - "No, I didn't go into the particular problem. Mine was congenital and a good dr should pick it up on an in utero sonogram (nowadays) or, in my case, at birth with a stethoscope."

You: <>

Me: My cardiologist, my reading on the subject.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 6:48am
Absolutely. You are 100% correct. It should not be that hard to find a dr. smarter than I. Yet, over the yrs I've met up with some inferior drs and I do my best to make sure my children, my DH and I will have the best drs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:01am
No, I'm hung up on getting my grammar straight! I like using he or she (but not he/she) when talking about a single person. "They" is grammatically incorrect when talking about a single person. I go back and forth.

I have 2 girls. All of our drs right now happen to be men, including my OB/GYN. I go for the best qualified. Gender hasn't been a factor for me.

Since PNJ pretends trust isn't a factor when everyone breezes off to work and leaves her infant behind with a nanny for the first time, I countered that and asked why she didn't hire a man. I'm not the one doing the hiring! So you can't call me sexist - but did you ever notice that there are few full-time nannies in the US who are men? I definitely think that's a trust issue. I could be wrong - this is not an issue in my life right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:05am
Yes, I want a dr. to limit herself to her area of expertise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:10am
Why settle for second best?

A person who performs routine tests over and over is less likely to make mistakes, forget to wash his hands, more likely to do it correctly and be quicker, be gentler, etc.

I'd much prefer an anesthesiologist or nurse set up the iv in my hand (I don't know the proper terms), than the surgeon who no longer sticks a needle into the vein of an alert patient.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:11am
Oh, really? Care to share your approach?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:14am
You're right. I don't have it all figured out. I'm hoping I have a few yrs before this is an issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:22am
"...forget to wash his hands"????!!!???? Do you think only Pap smears require handwashing? Do you think that a doctor who only does one Pap smear a week (if there is such a person) would actually forget something that has been the backbone of ALL safe medical practice for >100 years?

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