When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:23am
OK, I get it now. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 7:31am
Completely serious :) Here's a site where they vote on which episode was the "jump the shark"

http://www.jumptheshark.com/d/doogiehowsermd.htm

"Doogie and his Dad went on a fishing trip to bond. Then, a man has some type of accident and needs immediate surgery on his brain. Doogie and his Dad bring him into a log cabin, and they open the guy's head with a power drill. They then bond while performing emergency brain surgery on this man. Doogie and his Dad realize that there is more to life than the little petty things they argued over!"

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 9:56am

Whaaat?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:02am
Aha, I see now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:37am
So a ped's "area of expertise" is birth control pills?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 10:44am
And just how, exactly, does discussing sex with one's pediatrician give one a STD or make one pregnant?

I know is was cocoapop you asked, but MY approach to discussing sex with my son and preparing him for questions from his doctor was to simply teach him that sex is private and intimate, but natural, and to the extent that consequences of sex can affect one's health and well-being (those two states being under a doctor's purview), he could expect to be asked questions by his doctor and would be best served by simply being honest. The doctor would not be there to judge him, but to HELP him by offering him facts and knowledge about subjects he might find embarrassing, but still applicable to his adult life.

As I told him, it's natural to feel somewhat uncomfortable discussing sex, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it when it's appropriate, such as with parents or doctors. Just as I didn't jump up and shriek, "Yippee!! Sex talk!" the first time he asked me what masturbation was, I still discussed it with him honestly and openly. And just as he would likely not jump up and shriek, "Yippee!! Sex questions!!" when the doctor asked, he would still be best served to answer the doctor honestly and openly and that as he grew older when he was ready for me to NOT be in the exam room with him, I would wait outside.

I have yet to find a situation where honest, frank discussion is improved upon by scare tactics and false inferences.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 11:56am
I love this website! HOw hilarious. Thanks! I'm glad the episode in question was from the late 80s/early 90s because if they did that story line now, I would have to assume it was originated by the product placement people at Black and Decker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:22pm
Hey, you're absolutely right, I am very well informed on the subject. My knowledge likely exceeds that of my husband (who is an MD but not a heart surgeon).

Good, at least we agree that it would be quite silly of you to think your ped should have given you a sonogram which didn't exist!

You actually asked your cardiologist if it was something which was detectable by stethoscope on the day you were born? Or are you just assuming that it was detectable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:53pm
Yeah, but will my insurance pay for it if the monkey does it?

I've trained my four year old to do it and we use the eight year old's microscope kit from Christmas two years ago to examine the sample. Why pay someone to give you a PAP smear when there is a fabulous educational experience to be had here at home?

Hey, we're looking for someone who needs a root canal done...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Thu, 08-19-2004 - 12:59pm
Yes. Birth control pills. But not sex. How could you possibly think that someone whose expertise was birth control pills could also know the first thing about sex?

Silly you ;)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,

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