When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
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Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:16pm
And your constant ranting without actually debating certainly isnt going to change my opinion either. Especially considering that medical data is on my side.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:17pm
This is what I have to look forward to! We haven't gotten there, *yet* and I'm not looking forward to having to explain these things, even though I agree that they should get it from us rather than from school mates.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:18pm
Again, your ranting isnt much of a debate. Where did I tell you to change your lifestyle? The only thing I have ever said is that those are not healthy choices to make. That is just a fact, not something made up or created by me to try to sway your opinion. How can you totally discount ALL the medical research out there?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:21pm
Yep, medical data in on your side. Apparently denial is some people's idea of good debate...whateva.;-)~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:24pm
Yes, obviously it is yours.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:26pm
What? Did you misunderstand me? I agree with you, the other poster is denying medical data.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:29pm
LOL, omg I am so sorry! I didnt even look, I just assumed that response was from coconut, LOLOLOL!!! No wonder I couldnt figure out why she thought *I* was in denial!!!!

Omg, I obviously need more sleep

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:34pm
Taking your reasoning a step further, then a pelvic at age 18 is too late and I'm just being naive. Would you advocate a pelvic at start of menstruation, say age 12, when hormones in girls start raging which means they may possibly become sexually active then?

If the ped. is not doing an exam anyway, and she and I are giving the same info, I just don't see where I'm being naive. What will the ped. say about sex to a 12-yr-old that I'm not saying?

Is the only difference that my girls may feel more comfortable telling a ped. that they've seen evidence of an STD? Because if you look at Almostfree's post here (and I think she's the only mom with experience on this subject who's posted about it here), your reasoning doesn't necessarily indicate that. If my girls continue with this same wonderful ped. we have - as has AMF3's DD - the ick factor may well set in and my girls may be no more inclined to open up to a ped than to me, accordg to ALMF3's DD.

Edited: The ick factor was certainly there for me with my pediatricians and I never felt too comfortable with them anyway. But when I went to college, probably a combination of being around 17 and the fun of the dorm-by-dorm discussions held by the college drs who oversaw the races to put a condom on a banana totally blew away my ick factor. I practically signed up the next day to discuss body image and proper nutrition with one of those co-ed loving docs.

What then? It's nice to say I'm being naive, but what's the solution then?


Edited 8/20/2004 3:53 pm ET ET by luvthebabes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:35pm
No problem. I just feel that you have been getting an unfair shake here lately. Somethings have been taken WAY out of context. I think a particular poster is trying to flame and that has been overlooked by many here. I know I was accused of a few things too. I guess if you are in good shape it's taboo to discuss poor food choices because that automatically translates into fat people hater, skinny vain snob, etc. Anyway, I can sympathize with you!~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 3:45pm
Sorry. Here's your post # 1036: <> All drs are obligated to ask what other meds the patient is on before the dr. prescribes something new, and a patient must inform him if she's using bcps in case the new med. is affected by bcps or vice versa. Your question is a little hard to answer and not really in line with where the thread was going. A pediatrician's expertise is not bcps. His expertise concerns the good health of children.

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