When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:27pm
I wouldn't touch the food you serve. You wouldn't touch the food we serve. It is obvious we just don't agree. There is no shame in that at all. That is just the way the ball bounces. I don't care what others think of what we eat, when we eat, and how much tv we watch. Yes, it can be debated freely on a debate board. But IRL it isn't acceptable to me for people to so strongly voice their opinion against one's way of life. Thankfully, I've never dealt with any of this crap IRL! I've never been an insecure person, not as a child, teen or adult. I won't start it today either.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:28pm
<> I'm leaning in that direction myself. I know I started seeing an OB later, but I think girls these days have a lot more to consider than I ever did.

<> I just don't think between the ages of 12 and their first visit with the GYN at say 17 or 18, that sex is a medical or health issue in terms of, well, real medicine. I'll give them the same and more (because I see them everyday) info that I think a ped. will give them. If they want bcps early, God help me, then I think we'll definitely see an OB at that point.

If there were easy answers, motherhood would be easier! I hope I do "it" right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:29pm
How are your choices based on medical data? Think you can just stick to the question I asked?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:31pm
They aren't. Never said they were.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:33pm
Yet you say you aren't in denial. Do you deny that your lifestyle choices are unhealthy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:36pm
My mother did the same!! She said if I ever had a question about sex, I could always ask her. UMmmm, is that it, mom? LOL

She also gave me a "kit" when I got my period and took me to the pediatrician a day or 2 later. The kit was a big box, like you might get with a lego set! It had a few cute little books teling ya to get plenty of sleep and keep fresh and clean each day, samples of different pads and tampons and a few diagrams about how to use a tampon. In my mother's eyes...problem solved! What a different era!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:37pm
From your post below re: me stomping my feet. Thanks for the constant hysterical laughter at your insuation that I'm stomping my feet. I have yet to stomp my feet. I'm sitting here enjoying your tyrant & impossible belief of others life system. No reason to stomp my feet. Your posts aren't worth the time. But I do enjoy reading them. They go great with my hostess cupcakes, milk and ho hos
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:42pm
We don't see them near as unhealthy as you & dj do. But they aren't by the studies, guidelines, and books. I'm not in denial. We just choose to live differently. We enjoy a weekend of staying in eating and watching tv. You do what you like, we will stick to our likes. We went the route of organic foods, flax seed, soy milk for quite awhile. We were not enjoying eating. Eating became a chore. We found we were skipping meals to avoid eating that stuff. So we sat down & said, lets eat what we enjoy. So we do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:43pm
Attaching this here. My 12 yo dd absolutely hates to talk about sex with me. We have a great relationship and talk openly about numerous things. Whenever I try to discuss anything having to do with sex she says I know it mom and tries to shut me up. Anybody else dealing with this?~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:49pm
You say you don't "deny medical data" yet also say your lifestyle isn't "by the studies, guidelines, and books."

Which is it?

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