When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:49pm
You don't see fried foods and sugar laden foods as unhealthy? How can you not see that when medical evidence is very straighforward about it? FTR, I see nothing wrong with ocassionally eating these kinds of foods but having them be a part of everyday life is clearly unhealthy. Also, ftr, I do not eat all organic foods, flax seeds etc. I just try to eat a healthy balanced diet that included 5-9 fruits and veggies a day, whole grains, minimal sugars, etc. I have never stated that eating these foods ocassionally is bad only that having them be dietary staples is.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:56pm
Not totally unhealthy like others do. Not all bad like others do. We didn't do just organic, flax seed, soy milk. We also just tried to do steamed veggies, rice, grilled seafood, grilled poultry. Boring. We ended up skipping meals to avoid them. We made it 11 1/2 months. We kept saying we should go ahead the other two weeks to give it a full year. Then we looked at each other & both decided, we've been miserable for 11 1/2 months, why do this for another two weeks. That night my hubby was going to grill chicken breast & fix a salad, wheat bread, and some of kind of healthy veggie thing. We opted to forgo it. Dh tossed the chicken in some flour & fried it up, put some grease in the pan and made the gravy, I ran out to KFC to pick up some mashed potatoes since we had no potatoes in the house (I hate going to the supermarket, hubby does that). He told me to stop by the bakery and pick up a chocolate cream pie with mile high meringue. He made sweet tea that night for the first time in nearly a year. We ate, we enjoyed, we knew then what we had been missing & craving.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 4:56pm
What do you mean which is it? I don't deny the medical data but we don't live by it. Get it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:02pm
We eat healthy daily but allow ourselves some occassional treats. On the weekends we eat ice cream for dessert and sometimes eat fried food. Since we are used to eating healthy we feel different after eating fried foods or other unhealthy things. I personally don't like the way I feel after eating the bad for me foods. My kids recognize a difference in how they feel too. as an aside, I thought you had said your dh made french fries that night, I guess I read your post wrong.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:04pm
Not unless you get Roseanne show reruns. Ours got started during the episode where her son (DJ?) is spending "lots of time alone in the bathroom." And John wanted to know why it was funny that DJ was reading women's magazines in the bathroom. So we just basically went from there. John was 9 or 10 years old then.

Just kind of play it by ear and go with the flow of what he asks and what you know he already knows about sex. John had already had two years of "Family Life" (what a stupid name for sex ed) and at least understood the basics of his own plumbing and erections, that sort of thing. I just explained that masturbation was a way of giving sexual pleasure to yourself.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:05pm
Yes, you did say in your op on the matter that your dh made homemade fries to go with the fish.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:05pm
I keep getting you and Bethanne confused; I was thinking, isn't your son 19???? LOL Brain is the second thing to go; I forget what the first is ;)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:07pm
No, I don't get how you can agree with medical data yet live in complete opposition to it.

It seems incredibly stupid. But hey, someone's got to make up the front part of the bell curve I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:08pm
Hey!!! I'm fat!!! I got nailed on your side!!!! (I just want to be included ;)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:10pm
I think the key is moderation. You don't need to eat organic and healthy foods for 11 1/2 months straight. KFC is fine on occasion.

It doesn't have to be one or the other.

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