When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:11pm
You're in babe.:-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:14pm
The funny thing is no one has ever said otherwise.~Lisa, who has somehow managed to get herself labeled a food nazi;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:24pm
Welcome to the club! :)

I'm so NOT a food nazi . . . I'm grabbing a pizza and ice cream for tonight's dinner & dessert. However, I would never claim that this is a healthy dinner or that it's ok to eat this every night just because I don't currently have any health problems.

I don't, however, see any problem with having it tonight because I've been diligent about working out this week and our other meals have been healthy.

Seems like a simple concept to me . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 5:25pm
When boys outgrow pediatricians, they see an internest. Problem is, there may be a 10 or 15 year gap between when he outgrows his ped and when he schedules a starts seeing an internest. This makes it VERY appropriate for his ped to discuss STD's and birth control with him because no doctor may have that discussion with him again until he winds up at a clinic because "it hurts to pee".

Ecxception: a man who has a complete physical for his job- like an army physical. I like to think that army doctors have an extremely in-depth conversation with recruits since they may encounter all manner of exotic STDs as they go around the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 6:24pm

It's pretty simple. . .how can you know and believe data but not live by them. . .old habits, addiction, and other more psychologically technical terms.


Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 6:25pm
Like I said, if you actually have something worth debating, I will debate. However, all you say in your posts is that you *dont care*. Which was never the point.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 6:27pm
Yep, and thats pretty much what I have been trying to say. Daily doses of junk? No. Moderate and occasional junk? Of course!

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 6:29pm
But why does it have to be all one way or all the other way? Whatever happened to moderation?

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 6:33pm
And I am the same. I never said that my family has perfect eating habits. But I wouldnt go around telling people that making a regular diet of grease and sugar is a healthy choice. We at least TRY to make healthy choices-doesnt always happen but we make an effort, and we dont kid ourselves that we are being *healthy* when we do make the choice to eat junk!

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 6:36pm
But heres the thing-you havent really DEBATED any of it. You just keep saying that its no ones business how you eat, you dont care what we think, yaddayaddayadda. You cant seem to find anything regarding your platform to actually debate. You havent explained WHY you feel that medical data is somehow invalid when it comes to your own and your family's health. You havent provided any kind of strong stance regarding your viewpoints-that isnt debating.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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