When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 8:47pm
deleted.


Edited 8/20/2004 8:59 pm ET ET by laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 9:10pm
I have dealt with it, and when they would cut me off, depending on the mood at the time, i would either wait for a better time to talk, or i would tell them right then, as a parent, i *need* to be sure you are well educated, and have a few things to say. and then say it to them. tell her, you're not asking her anything, but just giving her information to keep in mind as she goes forward in life. many times if you put it that way, it offers "food for thought" and little questions will present themselves along the way. if you dont put any emotion into your discussions, they might be more open(not saying you are too emotional, as i dont know this, just a suggestion).

i think our kids think we always have a hidden agenda therefore shut us off. if you insist she listen to what you have to say, she might realize you have her in your best interest, and are not "fishing for information". It will also make her realize you are human too and not just "a prying mom".

hope i didnt offend, and not saying my way is the way, just that this worked when i went through it. hope it helps you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 9:28pm
Not insecure at all, just darned tired of hearing how perfect everyone is...ie, i "workout" five times a week for two hours at a time, and i only eat three healthy meals a day and only healthy snacks for my children. debt? what debt? one has to be stupid to allow themselves to get into debt(nobody specifically said this, but this is the tone). my children dont watch tv, and my children yadah, yadah. My dh is wonderful and always helps with the house and children. so many people paint pictures of perfectionism on this board, i want to hurl. yup, i dont have to read it, but i do, as i have made friends on the board and am interested in what they have to say, so i have to take the good with the bad. i really dont put much weight into what people on cyberspace say, however, *my sister* whom you are referring is a little less thick skinned than i, and although 99% of the time takes the posts with a grain of salt, gets "hurt" occasionally, and she has as much right to blast whomever is posting offensively, in her opinion, as the person posting what she perceives as offensive. hence, its a debate board.

I said it would be funny to throw the scale out the second story window, and i do think it would be, but i would probably laugh if it hit a fat person too, as just the thought is humerous in itself, so dont flatter yourself by making it more than it is.

one of the big problems of a debate board, is everything is up for debate, therefore, if i say im fat, ate pizza for dinner and watched the olymics all night, the visions people get are probably blown way out of proportion in their minds and come back with horrendous a$$umptions. ie: why dont you get up off your butt and do something about it? i workout six days a week......and the saga goes on. so tell me, why shouldnt thin women in good shape (BY THE GRACE OF GOD, AND NOTHING MORE)be fair game. fat people have been FOREVER!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 9:29pm
Hence, the difference between you and me!! LOL.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 9:36pm
After I posted I read Kathyatps's post above. The one that stated "I think it's time to take a deep breath and remember that this is a community and that there are real people on the other side of the monitor. Please choose your words carefully and refrain from attacking the posters."

I deleted my post because she's absolutely right. There are real people on the other side of the debate. Their feelings are as valid as mine. In light of that, I'm stepping back from this thread and the others that got heated.

Renee doesn't call me Glinda for nothing, you know! ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 9:50pm
LOL, right. you're the "good witch" and im the "good b--ch". LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 10:13pm

Thanks.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 10:20pm

Thanks.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 10:28pm

I can see you in a beautiful white dress with the skirt flowing, a crown on your hand and a wand in your hand!


Let me know when you are ready to grant some wishes....

PumpkinAngel

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 10:30pm

This post, if you are indeed serious, is why I have a hard time you passed the logic test in law school.


Since when does the willingness to hire SOMEONE equal a willingness to hire ANYONE?

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