When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 11:31am
ROFLMAO!!! Are you kidding?? I give him carte blanche!! Funny story, dd thought she lost a tampon *you know where*, and i didnt know what to do. she was around 16yo, had never had a pelvic exam, and i didnt want to take her to someone she didnt know, as we all know that in itself can be traumatic. so who do you think i called? the ped!! the nurse told us to come on over, and when dr walked in, he said, well beth what do you want me to do, i said, find it!! he said, but i dont even have the speculum?, and dont do exams, i said, well what do you suggest, you're the doctor and im certainly not going to look for it myself!! OH MY GOD, it was so funny, but of course i didnt let on, because my dd was so upset and embarrassed. He went ahead and tried to feel for it, since he didnt have the proper equipment, and ended up sending us to the emergency room to meet a female doctor who was *very* good with dd. turns out, there wasnt a lost tampon, and we went home, but talk about panic. when dd told me this, i was frantic in my mind. who do i call to look for that bad boy???
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 12:32pm

Question....do you ever read, play games or talk with out the tv on?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 12:42pm

When I think of steak....I think of the higher cuts like filet mignon, prime rib

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 1:16pm
We love those even better. My hubby has gone to the supermarket now to pick up this week's supply. He said he thinks he will buy porter house steaks & marinate them so he can grill them up tonight. He is going to make me a coconut cream pie. I think he uses filet to fry when he fixes that. Seems like that is what I saw in the refrigerator.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 2:20pm
Rarely. I love to read. I even read with the tv on. It is nothing for me to read a novel a week. My hubby reads also. I prefer romance or mysteries. My hubby just finished up a book last night. He reads one a week. Not referring to short books by any stretch of the imagination. The book I'll probably finish up this weekend is 456 pages. Nothing new.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 3:01pm
I have a 15 year old and my GYN told me not to bring her until she is 18 or becomes sexually active. I think this is pretty standard, unless the child is having other kinds of gyn problems. I'm even wondering if a GYN would see a healthy 15 year old that is not sexually active. However, I would not have a problem with her ped asking her if she is sexually active. If a child is under 18, a parent must be present for any ped exam anyway, so I would be right there, it woudl be like he would be asking her outside of my presence. Frankly, I doubt most peds would ask. It would piss too many parents off. I suspect mine would only ask if he either suspected (like you can tell, ha ha) or if I asked him to ask her.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 3:20pm
What about different types of cuisine? Do you enjoy the taste of foods cooked differently if they are part of a different culture? Japanese, Thai, Indian, etc? Is it that your palate is just not that expansive? I cant imagine *only* liking foods cooked in grease.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 3:45pm
Interesting question.

None of us care for these types of foods.

We pretty much stick to the common fare of chicken, turkey, beef, pork. Grilled, baked, or fried in our house. Nothing chinese, mexican, japansese, thai, indian, or anything else like that. Nothing at all.

We eat rice, but can't say any of the 3 of us really like it. We wouldn't just fix rice as a side item. I usually cook it to put the boiled or grilled chicken on. More of a presentation thing that we end up eating a little bit of. Never cleaning our plates though. I have a chicken & rice dish that I bake.

We don't do dips for our chips or vegetables. Picky about salad dressings around here.

In our family, we don't only like things cooked in grease. But they are definately a true favorite above everything else on the menu.

Tonight I'm throwing butterfly chops on the grill. I'll make a salad & new potatoes as the side. I did make an oreo dessert for us.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 3:47pm
I take the cubed steak & roll them in flour, salt, pepper & fry.

If I'm making a big dinner, I'll make the gravy and mashed potatoes as sides usually with corn on the cob with butter goes well with that. Throw in some biscuits (canned or out of one of those frozen bags, I rarely make my own).

For quick meals we like to put them on the big sesame seed golden buns. Plain!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-21-2004 - 4:00pm
Now see, coconut talks about eating healthy as *boring*. Yet I see resisting trying and enjoying different foods, cuisines, etc as *boring*. I wouldnt want to limit myself in such a way. But then, I think coconut said they dont travel and have no interest in travel??? Is this true for you also? Because when one travels to a different country, one tends to *have* to expand their palate.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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