When did structure become a bad thing?
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| Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am |
We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.
I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?
As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.
Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.
Susan

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I don't ever make it; too much hassle for too little value. It was a staple in our school cafeterias when I was growing up. I would definitely class it as a "winter" food, though; I consider it way too heavy for a hot summer day.
I'm sensitive about this topic b/c it is causing some serious pain and anger in my DH's extended family. Like me, DH was raised in a very poor household. In most poor families, shared food, cooked at home, is the only type of celebration that happens. The pride and joy of the women of those households was the ability to provide what they considered "good" food to guests, food of a quality and in amounts that they would not normally consume, on account of the expense. To women of their ethnic heritage, that meant butter, and eggs, and cream, and spices, and God be praised, MEAT. Maybe not the best meat, but when your normal diet consists only of root vegetables, dried beans, brown bread, boiled or pickled cabbage, and smoked herring, any meat other than organ meat is an extravagance. Fine-textured white bread is a luxury. NOT to offer wine and spirits to guests was a sign of meanness. My father's personal definition of success, his line in the sand between being a good provider and being a failure, was being able to put meat of some kind on the table 3X a day; for a member of our household to refuse to eat it was to insult every backbreaking hour of manual labor he ever did.
The conflict in DH's family has arisen b/c his brother has married a woman who follows a very strict vegetarian diet. She will eat no refined flour, no dried spices, no meat of any kind, no fruit or vegetable that is not fresh AND organic, no dairy, and no wine, tea or coffee. (I should note that she does not follow this diet b/c of religious reasons or allergies, except for the dairy, which she is allergic to.) Everything you put before her is questioned in terms of content and cooking technique. Now if she was content to just simply say "no, thank you" when offered these things, that would be fine, but she feels compelled to tell everyone just why THEY should not be eating them either, because of how unhealthy those things are. She loudly insists that BIL may not eat them either, though he likes them, because she can "smell the reek of that poison on you." My MIL has been brought to tears over this many times in my hearing, though she tries to hide it. She isn't a well-educated woman, and she's in her 70's; she has made an effort to please her DIL, but nothing she has tried is good enough. The sort of food that DIL will eat is food that MIL is ashamed to serve when others are present, b/c she sees it as not being fine enough for guests. She can't afford to serve two different types of meals, nor is she up to learning a whole new slate of cooking techniques at this point in her life. The quality of her cooking has always been a point of pride for her, and it breaks her heart that her son won't eat at her table anymore.
When I read those rather pointed posts, it was SIL's voice I heard in my head, and I just knew that someone, somewhere, was reading that and feeling as hurt and insulted as my MIL often does. Whether she was feeling hurt b/c she is overweight, or because her chocolate cake recipe won first prize at the county fair makes no difference to me.
BTW, When I cook for SIL on major holidays or when they are in town and I invite them, I prepare separate dishes that she and BIL will eat, prepared to their specifications. For other guests, I cook the sort of foods that I know they will enjoy, regardless of what goes into them, because I believe that that is what a hostess should do. As you know, I travel a great deal, and I have never found myself at a loss for something good to eat. Do I cook "traditional Southern foods"? Yes, I do, because they are favorites of my family, though the versions I make are usually much lower in fat and calories than the originals, and it is very difficult to notice the difference. (If you would like to see modern, lighter versions of some of the sort of foods that you are reacting so negatively to, take a look at the cookbooks of Holly Berkowitz Clegg. She has made a career out of lightening Cajun, Creole, and other Southern cuisines. I actually prefer the lighter versions, and so does everyone I know; the more subtle flavors come out very nicely. I make no claims about country-fried steak, though; my personal opinion of that particular dish is best left unsaid.)
Is that what we called Chicken Fried Steak in school?
Mondo
I'm sorry your sil is like that, that is rude and unfair of her. But dont project her attitude onto others, when that was NEVER the intention of the original posts on the subject.
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
dj
Dj
"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~
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