When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 10:40am
You're not the only ones. I love fried pb & j sandwiches, although I haven't had one in years!
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 10:41am
Yep, tastes do vary. Ive lived in some places where what the locals ate -- did *not* work for me. Like Hong Kong and KL for starts. Personally I love raw seafood (sashimi) including octopus. Some folks won't touch that. I also like some of the Jewish foods I grew up with like gefilta fish and pickled just about anything. Something else that many will *not* touch with a 20 ft. pole.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 11:28am
There isn't much of a vegetable offering. I don't really know why.

Our menu says chicken fried steak, gravy, mashed potatoes, corn, biscuit, fruit cup & cake.

It is served in our private school. Served in public schools I have taught.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 11:29am
I won't touch raw seafood. You are right! Different strokes for different folks!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 11:30am
I fixed one for dd's lunch yesterday with bananas on it.

I had to have one myself so I got up & made me one.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 11:33am
We use to go to a mexican restaurant, Don Pablos, for the country fried steak entrees!

We don't eat mexican at all.

It is common fare on menus here.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 11:39am

Yeah, but do you make smart-ass, rude remarks about your husband's weight? Do you react with disgust? I bet not.


You disagree with him but do so respectfully.


There was no respect in many of the responses in the "What's for dinner?" thread.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:03pm
My dd actually did go to the obgyn when she was 15 or 16, as she was having her period every three weeks due to working out for sports she participated in on a daily basis. the dr did *not* do a pelvic as dd was not sexually active, so she went ahead and put her on bc to regulate her periods. she didnt have a pelvic(aside from the tampon search) until she was 18, however, my dd asked me not to come back with her from the beginning(age 15 or 16) and i had no issue with it. i wanted dd to be comfortable and if it meant waiting in the waiting room, i was ok with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:11pm
I so understand your fears and worries, but truly it comes on gradually, as you are not hit with it all at one time. i think if you talk straight with your child, answer questions directly and concisely without emotion or opinions, all the "heavy duty" stuff is well prepared for. I would think your children will learn about "std's" in school, and come home to talk to you about it if they are open with you. i didnt even know what STD stood for, as when i was growing up, we were taught about VD and that was pretty much it. when my kids came home talking about std's and i asked what they were talking about, they got a huge laugh, as they thought i was pretty much clueless. i knew what they were, just didnt know the "up to date" acronym for it. LOL. They will probably call it something different when your kids get there as well, rendering *my* kids "clueless"!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:14pm
Ah. Well, as I said, it's not my deal (although I thought it was fine, but didn't like it enough to rave), but I have it on good authority from my roommate who LOVES that sort of thing that your recipe was awesome (he raved). He wrote it down and makes it fairly often. :)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,

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