When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:16pm
I would have before I met him. I don't now. That's because he's educated me quite a bit on hard it is for him to lose weight. And how much pain it's caused him to be overweight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:16pm
Aw, shucks...tell him I'm glad he enjoyed it.
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:17pm
When I first moved here, DH would make "fluffernutters." PB and marshmallow. (eeewwww!!) He tried to get DS to eat them, but no way Jose. Just give me plain old PB & J with a glass of milk and some cookies any old day. :-)

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:19pm
Obviously you didnt understand my last post. I said the IRONY of the situation is what is amusing.

I also disagree with you on the percentage of people who have a grasp on their *lifelong* stuggles with weight is that large. the people who are in the majority of the group who have a grasp on it, *for the most part* have *not* had life long issues. my sister and I are a perfect example. i was always the "solid" one, and lauren was the skinny, mini while growing up. she has only been struggling with it for 15 years, a third of the time i have, which is quite typical of adults.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:22pm
Ah, KL - I have to say that even after 10 years, I still crave roti canai with curry sauce for breakfast. I'm sure it's available somewhere here, but it wouldn't be made fresh by little old ladies and sold in baggies on the street. Just wouldn't be the same...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:30pm

and you've taken that lesson and applied it here by not being rude and condescending. I, and others, appreciate that.


And that's all I ask for from others. I understand the lesson behind what the posters were saying. I understand the logic. What I don't understand, or like, was their attitude and tone that went with it.


You catch a lot more flies with honey than vinegar. If someone truly wants to educate and inform, and keep others from misleading the uninformed, making rude, uncaring comments is most definitely NOT the way to go about it.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:47pm

I grew up in TX too. My father was poor country, my mom was a city girl, with a lot more education.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 12:55pm
very good points!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 1:07pm
When i was telling my mom the story, she asked me what i told dd when she asked the question, and my response was, "obviously, one must have a heavy duty ceiling fan!". LOL, my mom said, "BETH ANN!! you didnt say that!!". right mom, i didnt. ROFLMAO!!

To tell you the truth, it got even scarier!! i told her straight forward what 69 was, and no ladies, i didnt tell her it was just a number, as i didnt want her going back to school getting the crude, ugly version. then she asked how its done standing up. i said, "i dont know". with that she asked if dh and i ever did it. all i can say to that is BLUSH!!! i went on to tell her, i dont mind telling her about sex, and the facts, but i wont discuss what her daddy and i do in privacy and when she is old enough to experience these things, she will probably want to keep them private as well, as there are very personal feelings involved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 1:08pm
ROFLMAO!!!!!! What a *timely* answer!!!

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