When did structure become a bad thing?

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Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 1:19pm
I think you are right. And, I think it's important to learn how to pay attention to the body's signals. DH, for example, will tell DS to "eat everything on your plate." I say, "DS has to eat until he's full." (However, DS can't eat half his dinner and leave the veges, say he's full, and then grab an ice-cream sandwich for dessert.)

I also try very hard not to use food as a reward. And when he's sad, I don't say, "Here, have a cookie."

I have my own problems with food and emotions. I stress eat. Usually at 4:00 every day. I still haven't found a way to stop doing that. If I could find a way to stop, I would lose my 15 pounds.

outside_the_box_mom

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 1:22pm
I dont think there was ever any intention to get them to *change their minds*. Perhaps an effort to get them to admit that what they eat isnt nutrionally sound, but I think they are giving themselves a bit too much importance if they really thought anyone here truly *cared* about what they ate. They put the info out there for debate, and it was debated. If they got backed into a corner, it was only because they had nothing with which to substantiate their platform.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 1:53pm
If the meat you use to prepare it is already full of little dimples when you buy it (commonly known as "cubed steak"), then someone else has done it for you. Butchers use a set of spiked rollers to tenderize round steak, whereas at home most of us don't have such a gadget, so we would use a tenderizing mallet. It breaks up the meat and allows the cooking liquid to get between the muscle fiber, breaking it down more than would happen if the perforations were not there.


Edited 8/22/2004 2:14 pm ET ET by 6721ard
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 1:56pm
I don't eat fried anything or gravy. I had chicken fried steak once over 20 years ago - too rich for my blood.

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 1:58pm

"I guess you were wrong to paint me as irrational in not using non-family babysitters until my gang is old enough to communicate with me any problems with a babysitter."


I think you're paranoid to do that, not irrational.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 2:11pm
And you missed my point. I don't have any problem with the POV you and others were taking; what distressed me was how you all chose to phrase that POV. The language used was unnecessarily inflammatory.

You could have asked if those posters did not think that such a high-fat diet might not have adverse health consequences down the road, but instead you (all) chose to castigate the food itself as garbage. I make some scratch cakes that are quite high in fat. To have someone call them high-fat would not hurt my feelings at all, I know how much butter and how many eggs go into them. I also know how much hard work goes into creating them, and to hear them described as "garbage" b/c of the butter and egg content would indeed hurt my feelings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 2:14pm
3 or 4 pm is the hardest time of day for me too.

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Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 2:22pm
I guess I don't at all understand blanket condemnations of gravy. I sometimes make gravy from pan-grilled meat, and I can't see that it is inherently an unhealthy thing to eat. What I usually do is take a pan with raised grill markings, add a bit of olive oil (enough to coat the bottom slightly so that the meat doesn't stick, about a tablespoon or two to enough meat for 4 people) and basically grill the meat. That usually leaves quite a bit of flavour at the bottom of the pan...I then add a bit of flour or cornstarch to mix with the leftover oil (maybe a tablespoon or so) then add water to "dissolve" the stuck on bits (if you know what I mean). The gravy certainly isn't rich, but it is plenty flavourful enough to go with rice or potatoes....and hardly loaded with anything unhealthy. It's just olive oil, flour and water basically. I do occasionally do milk gravy, it's pretty rare as that tends to go with fried chicken which I do once a year to please dh.

But then, I'm not sure I get the blanket condemnation of, say, cream soups either. Made at home with fresh vegetables and a low-fat milk bechamel sauce, what is really so unhealthy about it? I often make a cream of broccoli soup in winter that is basically a pat of butter (tablespoon or two), equal amount of flour, 1% milk and 4 large heads of broccoli. Since it usually feeds 2 adults for a couple of days, I don't think the bit of butter is overdoing things. Sauces and cream soups can be done in a reasonably healthy fashion.

Laura

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 2:24pm
Yes, hence why I said most people have to work to control their weight once they reach adulthood.

I dont disagree that its harder to keep the weight off when you've been heavy since childhood. Statistically, overweight children have something like an 85 percent chance of being overweight adults.

BUT....that assumption that an adult who is fit is somehow *magically* that way or *naturally* that way, is erroneous. I know PLENTY of people who were thin when they were younger, yet really have to work hard to maintain it. I think it is unfair to discount their hard work, and imply they somehow have it easy because they didnt have to start watching their weight until adulthood. Heck, in some ways its harder-they are often the ones who NEVER learn proper nutrition and eating habits, and end up starting from scratch.

And I did understand your last post. I just dont think it was funny. If I'd made a comment like that about a heavy person, I'd have been promptly ripped to shreds. But its okay to make those kind of remarks about a thin person......


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 2:59pm
I think you are doing the European version of gravy and cream based soups. In America, things are different. When I say, "UGH" gravy, I am thinking of the thick congealed stuff that comes with biscuits at a greasy spoon or Kentucky Fried Chicken. Meals come coated in that stuff. UGH. I don't mind homemade gravy made from the drippings of a roast chicken -- a few dribbles never hurt anyone.

I personally love potato leek soup and corn chowder. I also just had an awesome cold cream of cucumber soup. However, I don't like cream of mushroom soup out of a can.

I just got Julia Child's and Jacques Pepin's cookbook and can hardly wait to make onion soup -- the kind covered with cheese and bread. Yum.

outside_the_box_mom

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