When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
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Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 4:30pm

For me it's fish and chips in England.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 4:30pm
<<<<<<<>>> you're right and i definitely didnt say "magically" as i am not that dense, so plz a little credit here. i said, "By the grace of God", which does mean naturally, and chances are if there is no weight issue growing up, the success rate of handling it as an adult is greater.

you talking to someone who knew all about calorie counting, carbs, fats, exercise yadah, yadah, by the time i was ten years old, so plz no more lecture. you're not telling me anything i havent known for years and years.

<<>>

o.k., well how bout like i said in my original post to eileen, fat people have been taking jabs like that FOREVER not to mention socially, publicly etc, so if the thin people want to take it offensively, they will just have to take one(to the million ive taken) on the chin. no apologies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 4:52pm
Oh okay. Since other people have been insensitive to you in the past, its okay for you to just pass that attitude along. I get it.

And where on earth was I lecturing you????? You are looking for things that simply are not there. Where did I mention anything about what you know or dont know regarding calories and such?

And the chances of handling ones weight as an adult if one doesnt have weight issues when they are younger might be *somewhat* greater, but that certainly doesnt automatically make it easier. I certainly know TONS of people who were thin up until their late 20's, early 30's who are bordering on obese at 40. A struggle is a struggle. I dont think its necessarily *more* or *less* difficult to lose 100 lbs if you gain it when you are 15 or if you gain it when you are 30.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 5:27pm
You don't know what you are missing! Really good sashimi is heaven. And if you don't like sashimi, salmon or tuna carpacio is also so SO good. You should try it at least once -- but make sure its a high quality sushi place. It would be a shame to sample it at a bad place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 5:30pm
Um, nooooooooo, you dont get it. <<<>> I said i thought the irony was humorous, and if skinny people *CHOOSE* to take it as a slam, so be it. simple. no insult intended, however, some people would take it that way. thats their choice. period. Its *exactly* the same thing as you not implying insult, however, some people took it that way. so is it do as i say not as i do??? oh, i get it.

Nah, not looking for anything that is not there. you are telling me all about how you are the product of a family with weight issues, *as am I, so i already know the struggles*, you are telling me about people who didnt have weight issues til adulthood, and the struggles there, *i am aware of this as well*, yadah, yadah. you're wasting your breath. btdt.

I *never* ever said handling weight at anytime in ones life is *easier*! where in the world did that come from??? as far as the time frame dealing with it, i think there is a big difference. when you just start gaining weight, as an adult it is all new and fresh and imo, more in control than a child with a weight problem and must deal with it in an environment they have no control over. when born that way, by the time one is an adult, one is EXHAUSTED ALREADY from fighting the fight.

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 5:33pm
Oh you are brave! I stayed at the Regent hotel for 3 months and mostly ate there or at other like places as I was there for work. I got a wicked case of food poisoning on the first occasion I ventured out to eat from a street vendor....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 5:35pm

I'm probably a prime example of one of those people who didn't have to work very hard as a child or youth in order to maintain my weight within the 'ideal' range (I'm thinking in terms of what we now call BMI).

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 5:44pm
I guess thats kind of what I was saying. I dont think anyone really has it *easier* or *harder* per se when it comes to weight control. I think MOST adults fight it once they get older. I made a very conscious choice to fight it before I had a really large amount to lose (although I did lose a large amount when I was 19, I've just managed to keep most of it off). That doesnt mean its easier for me, I'm just too stubborn to give in. Sometimes I wish I could be happy with myself and not care, but I cant.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 5:47pm
The difference being, I never said anything insulting in the first place, nor did I try to pass an insulting remark off as a joke. But forget it, you are right, I'm NOT going to get that one.

And again, where did I say you didnt know or hadnt btdt with weight issues? You are the one saying that thin people are that way *by the grace of god and NOTHING else*. I pointed out that a statement like that is unfair and almost universally untrue.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 6:12pm
"It was the posters insistance that eating like that every day, for basically every meal, was HEALTHY."

Could you please refer to a specific post? Because I have read that she has said that eating like that has caused her and her husband no health problems, but not what you are saying, which is quite a different thing.

TIA.

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