When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 6:17pm

Yeah, there was always that risk. They had a story in the newspaper about a wedding where all 150+ guests got a bad case of food poisoning.


We lived at Micasa, and mostly ate room service for dinner. I became addicted to their lasagna, which wasn't anything like lasagna really - tasted kind of lemony. There was also a place across the street called Barn Thai that was really, really good - and if dd (who was about 4 months old at the time) started getting fussy, the waiters would take her off to play until we finished eating.


I do have to say that after three months I was desperate to have just one tentacle-free meal.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 6:19pm

I'm with ya - around here, gravy is a staple. I make gravy from the drippings whenever we roast beef or pork (having roast pork with gravy tonight, in fact). I use cornstarch because if I use flour it comes out lumpy.


Heck, I like gravy so much that I'll have bread and gravy for dessert.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 6:22pm
She said several times that she sees *nothing wrong* with eating that way.

I see people saying things like this as no different than a smoker coming on this board and saying that since they had never had health problems associated with smoking, there was obviously nothing wrong with it. Or a sun worshiper saying *Well I havent gotten skin cancer yet, I love the sun and those medical reports are obviously overrated*.

I certainly dont care what people choose to do to their bodies or health, its their life. But dont bring it to a debate board and then cry foul when it actually gets debated, kwim?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 7:41pm
You would if you liked the taste of the outcome. We love steak cooked about any way you can do it. Grill, broil, & rolled in flour & fry it up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 7:43pm
We just enjoy having the tv on no matter what we are doing. Hasn't ever occurred to us to turn it off. We have a one year old baby & yes, the tv is on when the baby is awake, eating. We will always be watching tv while we eat. Amazon & BarnesNoble web sites love me. I hate to shop unless it is online. Then it is oookkkk!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 7:46pm
I'm so tired of you insisting I was or have been throwing out bait. If you can't handle someone participating then skip over the posts. I wouldn't bait anyone! I'm here to participate or I'd be doing something else like reading my book! I didn't feel like I owed you any response to some of the questions you asked. So I didn't respond. Deal with it!


Edited 8/22/2004 7:50 pm ET ET by coconutpalms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 7:47pm
Yes. Lets see her produce that one! I'm sure she will say it was bait. Good gosh!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 7:49pm
I never cried foul. I never stomped by feet. I was never outraged. Maybe you wanted me to have those emotions, but you know what, I never did because I don't give a crap about your opinions. Get over it dear!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:37pm
<<<>>>> WRROOOONNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! i said,"so tell me, why shouldnt thin women in good shape (BY THE GRACE OF GOD, AND NOTHING MORE)be fair game. fat people have been FOREVER!". im not talking about *ALL* THIN PEOPLE, i am only talking about the people who happen to be thin by the grace of God, and yes they do exist!! you are combining my posts into what you *want* them to say so you have the upper hand, and im not going to give it up to you.

furthermore, i didnt say ANYTHING insulting to include a whole population which is the "norm" for comments about fat people, i said it would be funny to hit *A*(translation ONE PERSON!!)who is skinny, perfect and running along. IRONY BEING fat person upset, and through with the scale, hits skinny person who is what the fat person wants to be, proving being skinny isnt always wonderful either. i cant believe you dont get this.

<<< But forget it, you are right, I'm NOT going to get that one.>>> you're right about that because you are mutilating my posts to suit yourself, and *that* is offensive and insulting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:41pm
Please stop it!!!! Ever since I saw your post on sashimi I have been craving it all day! I would kill for some seared ahi right now. But I can't eat it because I am pregnant. :(

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