When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:48pm
We rarely ever eat out. When we do we usually just order curbside & still eat on our tv trays at home.

Think I know what I'm missing. Quite frankly, I'm so glad!

I like fish & shrimp, grilled or deep fried. I like scallops cooked in a butter sauce & calamari & clam strips deep fried. Lobster & Crab legs.

I can't stand anything cold. I don't even eat cold cuts.


Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:49pm
Habit. I just flip the remote on before I get my shoes off.

Sleeping with it on is habit.

Tv is great mental stimulation here.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:53pm
Perfect example of what im talking about. I do feel sympathy for anyone with a weight problem, no matter how it was done, however, at this point in my life, I feel like im completely out of gas trying. I still do try really hard every single day of my life, and i gained the weight like you did, however, before i gained it quickly, i gained slowly all my life. was 135 hs graduation. 145 one year later. 155 four years later when i got married. 165 three years later when getting pg for ds1. gained 37 pounds with him. 193 when pg for dd. gained about 45pounds with her. 180 pg with ds2 and here i am 17years later waaaay over 180 and still fighting to lose it. been to ww, etc a gazillion times, equating to more of a mental than physical challenge imo.

up until hs graduation, i watched everything that went into my mouth from a *very* early age and was very physically active. never ate sweets, soda, chocolate or fast food. honest!! never! and i was still fighting it. I dont envy anyone with a weight problem but when one starts the day their face hits the air, and hear ugly comments all ones life, (and i kept my weight down, and still endured comments), its kind of hard to feel badly for people who are thin by the grace of God when they take an occasional slam, but i wont be the one slamming them, as i have been accused.

Thanks for sharing insight from a different pov.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:55pm
Same here in Georgia.

If you don't eat grits & gravy you are looked upon as plain old weird.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 8:57pm
I can't stand the look or smell.

They were serving up Japanese on a cruise one time we were on. We said no, thanks.

I'd take a frozen pizza anyday over it.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 9:10pm
Oh well. What you are tired of is irrelevant to what we believe about your posts. We're just as entitled to characterize those posts of yours which reek of bait AS bait, and if YOU don't like it, you're at liberty to stop reading our posts. But you DON'T get to demand we stop doing it. ...or more accurately, you can demand anything y ou want to demand, but we are under absolutely no obligation to cater to your feelings.

Deal with it.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 9:44pm
"i said,"so tell me, why shouldnt thin women in good shape (BY THE GRACE OF GOD, AND NOTHING MORE)be fair game. fat people have been FOREVER!". im not talking about *ALL* THIN PEOPLE, i am only talking about the people who happen to be thin by the grace of God, and yes they do exist!! you are combining my posts into what you *want* them to say so you have the upper hand, and im not going to give it up to you. "

So just because you have been insulted in your life because of your weight , someone who has done absolutly nothing to you is fair game just because of their weight. I am not seeing the logic there. I don't consider by 21 year old DD to be anyones fair game just because she happens to weight 94 pounds.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 9:53pm

Beth Ann, How tall are you?

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 9:57pm

I like the taste of the outcome or chicken fried steak just as I look the outcome of a filet grilled medium rare with a little Bernaise sauce and some grilled mushrooms....however they are not interchangeable cuts of meat in our household nor will they ever be.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 08-22-2004 - 9:59pm

Amen!

Virgo
 

Pages