When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:00am
But my point this entire time has been HOW DO YOU KNOW just by LOOKING that a thin woman in good shape IS in good shape *by the grace of god and nothing more*?????????????? Like I've been trying to say, that kind of attitude is just as bad as someone who LOOKS at a heavy person and just KNOWS they must sit around and eat all day. Both completely unfair and erroneous ASSumptions. And why would someone be *fair game* just because they are thin? Because overweight people have been treated that way? That makes it right? Insults are insults, no matter who you are slinging them at OR who is doing the slinging.

I've had people tell me how *lucky* I am to be thin. But you know what? Its not luck. Its work. People assume that I am thin because god made me that way-well god wouldve made me quite fat if he'd have had his way. I just fought him tooth and nail since I was TWELVE.

You act like you have the market cornered here on difficulty with weight issues.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:02am
Then dont bring your personal choices into a debate. Pretty simple.

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:04am
If you dont care, why do you keep repeating over and over that you *dont care*? Like I said, foot stomping.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:06am
I'm sorry, but did you not say several times that you saw nothing wrong with the way you ate?? that implies that you either think its healthy, or you simply dont care about your health. Which is it?


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:15am

I have found nothing down here in PB that is as good as good NY sushi.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:21am

LOL. Some people just do not have a continental palate.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:23am

Basically, if you fry *anything* it pretty much tastes good.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:26am

I have never had any catty or mean remark from a naturally thin friend.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:29am

I just put plastic over DDs dinner if she doesn't eat it.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 3:44am
That's it? Then I believe you have taken a huge and unfair leap by saying that she's been saying it is healthy *for other people.*

It isn't much like smokers saying they haven't got cancer from it at all. With smoking, you either have cancer or you don't. With food, you don't go straight from healthy to heart attack. If coconutpalms doesn't have high blood sugar, doesn't have high cholesterol, isn't overweight or gaining weight, her BP is normal and she doesn't have a vitamin deficiency, there is *nothing wrong* for her own metabolism with what she's eating . That it would cause MOST other people a problem is hardly such a person's concern.

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