When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
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Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:49am
Oh, my mistake! Well, at least you didn't call me a welfare mother, again.

It is not extreme for a mother to want either herself, her husband or close family to be the only ones with pre-schoolers. Many families work that way, even on this board. In this way, DH and I guarantee our 3 will have the infancies/toddlerhoods some people only dream about. (Not to mention DH and I will soon be going to the Rainbow Room alone for the 2nd time this yr. It's just a matter of advance planning with NY g-parents. I am not missing out, if that was your implication.)

What is extreme is thinking that preschoolers left home all day, everyday, with a nanny are only watching 30 mins. of tv. That's not trust. That's denial.

My trust issues are not just with the 0.5% of providers who physically abuse, although I absolutely admit that's a part of it. It's equally that what I know of the difficulties of staying home and what I know of adults - especially those away from their bosses all day, everyday - are not necessarily inclined to carry out my wishes such as "No more than 30 mins of tv."

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:55am
Free-flowing saki can make even the bad restaurants seem good. I love a good sushi/saki buzz. Heaven.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:57am
How can it be stimulating if it is just back ground noise which you mentioned it often is? How is it stimulating to be on while you are sleeping?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:02am
That is exactly what I was thinking. The only weight comments I have had made to me were from those that had their own weight issues.
Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:04am
I grew up with, "I work all day to put food on the table. So eat it." We had to clean our plates, too. As much as I cringe to have DS throw food away, I do it. We were out last week for ice-cream and he said, "I can't finish this." He threw away a half of a cone of ice-cream. I let him. I couldn't bring myself to force him to finish it. And I couldn't eat it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:13am
I didn't say it was "stimulating" just being on while we are doing other things or sleeping.

I said I do find it "stimulating" when I sit down to watch it.

It is not always stimulating every minute it is on. I don't think it has to be or needs to be. Whether I'm sitting there watching it or it is just "on".

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:25am
"Habit. I just flip the remote on before I get my shoes off.

Sleeping with it on is habit.

Tv is great mental stimulation here. "

Does infer that it is always stimlating, not that it is only stimuating when you sit and watch certain shows. To me it just seems like such a waste of resources to have a TV on when no one is even watching it.


Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:45am

OK, your post made me think of two sayings from my dh's side of the family:


"If it's not worth frying, it's not worth eating" and


"You got yourself a 'possum and a biscuit, you got yourself a meal."

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:47am
I actually have the official recipe for Elvis' "Fried peanut butter and nanner" sandwiches. They are awesome, but I only make them about once a decade, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:05am

"Tv is great mental stimulation here. "


Nope, too easy.

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