When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:12am

"What is extreme is thinking that preschoolers left home all day, everyday, with a nanny are only watching 30 mins. of tv. That's not trust. That's denial. "


NOW you've pissed me off.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:28am
My parents didn't do that, but it still kills me to throw away perfectly good food. It's just so wasteful. We are trying to teach dd not to take more than she thinks she'll eat, but her eyes are definitely bigger than her stomach. She sounds like your son. She'll eat a few bites of birthday cake at a party, and then say "can I be done?" "Sure honey, Mommy will finish it for you." ; ) I have competition for that leftover cake now though. Our younger dd seems to have inherited my sweet tooth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:29am
My ped has always required it. When she got older, I told the nurse that I was more than willing to stay in the waiting room. They told me I had to be in there.

Susan

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:31am
Neither sashimi or sushi has a smaell -- unless its off in which case you shouldnt touch it!

Tempura and other fried / cooked Japanese dishes do have smells but IMO, they smell good! Even your basic terriyaki smells good.

Anyway, I cant imagine you don't like the look of it --- if its done right its beautiful. Sushi / sashimi chefs spend years learning their art. It takes years just to learn to do the rice part properly in Japan!

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:33am
Okay. Life is to short IMO to miss out on a full range of tastes and foods. But then I also think life is far too short to eat meals on TV trays...presumably with the TV on....
Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:34am
Yep, I have to agree with you on that one;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:46am

I am the same way. I hate throwing away food. Hate it. It just seems decadent and wasteful. I use to try to finish the kids food and gained weight in the process. Now, I just breathe deep and feed it to the dogs. Then, it isn't going to waste.


Of course, I am a food hoarder. If there is ever a natural disaster or nuclear war, come to my house. I have more canned food and packaged meals than one should have. It is like I have lived through the Depression or something. I just can't stand to not have a full pantry. You never know if you will have an emergency.


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:54am
More stale bait; haven't you anything fresh?

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 11:28am
Sounds like it is just specific than to your ped practice. I read the original as saying it is a requirement "legally" or something. I am guessing it is just your specific peds preference as I and many others here have not had that experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 1:12pm
You think that a person who eats unhealthy food on a regular and daily basis who says there is nothing wrong with it because their health is fine at this point, is nothing like a smoker who says there is nothing wrong with smoking because they havent gotten cancer or emphysemia at this point???? I honestly see NO difference.


No, you dont go straight from healthy to heart attack. But you dont usually get cancer from smoking right away either. Again, I see NO difference.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

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