When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 3:53pm
>>Discovery programs, history channel programs, even jeopardy if you play along like we do can be very stimulating.<<

I've never heard you mention these types of programs before . . . only North Shore, CSI, shows that your DD enjoys, etc. - the "fluff" types of programs from which you get zero mental stimulation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 3:55pm
Have you ever tried the unfiltered kind of saki?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:15pm
We watch a wide range of shows, not limiting to one style or type.

Depends on our mood, what the show is about or featuring at that particular time.

The only thing we will not ever watch is anything sports related! Nothing on that line is ever on our tv.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:19pm
No mental stimulation, just pure entertainment value from North Shore & Cosmo.

But other things on tv, like some of the documentaries, discovery & history channel shows do provide mental stimulation if you like those kind of programs.

We watch a wide variety. Entertainment & as otherwise stated above & children programming all.

No, you are confusing or maybe I didn't make myself clear. When we sit down at 7 with our tv trays we are in front of the tv for the night (literally, since we usually leave it on to sleep with even, we didn't use to but we started it & really like it).

Other times, like right this minute, the tv is on but it provides nothing more than some entertainment value & that not fully since I'm only hearing bits & pieces of it. Dh & dd are outside playing ball & I'm getting ready to fix some supper.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:51pm
I did not combine two different posts. I did a copy and paste of post 13988.1273 which states:

"Habit. I just flip the remote on before I get my shoes off.

Sleeping with it on is habit.

Tv is great mental stimulation here. "



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:56pm

Hey, I don't watch CSI but I do get mental stimulation out of shows like it. I've learned a lot about the law and forensics by watching L&O and Crossing Jordan (and Quincy reruns! lol). It can be good mental stimulation to figure out whodunit.


I often prefer TV to reading (although I read a LOT) because I can watch L&O and get a good does of whodunit mystery stuff while I fold laundry or do dishes, etc. But I can't read a book while I fold laundry. I can't ead a book with my hands elbow deep in Dawn suds.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:02pm

I don't know if this is true for paige, but here's how it is for me ...


I almost always have the tv on. I often am not "watching" it, but it provides a form of stimulation and motivation. For example, if I have 3 days of dishes to wash, and the house is silent (no tv), my mind wanders while I'm washing. I mean, c'mon, how mentally stimulating is dishwashing? I'll be thinking about this board and go post instead of finishing the dishes. i'll think of dbf and go call him instead of doing the dishes. I'll think of work and lose motivation, etc, etc, etc. But if I have the tv on for background, my mind pays partial attention to it and keeps itself occupied. And the dishes get done. having the background noise/stiumulation keeps me from getting bored of mundane tasks like laundry and i actually, gasp, get them done.


music sometimes works for me and I'll do that too instead of the tv. But its much easier to hit the ON button and change to channel 44 (tlc, lol) than it is to pick out a cd, put it in, turn all the components on, hit play, etc. (which is why i love my digital music now ... as easy as turning the tv channel to get music. my tv is off a lot more since i got digital music channels)


My personality makes it so i NEED to multi-task to be efficient and effective. and its hard to multi-task doing dishes or laundry or paying bills. TV lets me do that.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:15pm
Okay, now that is fried food I like! I miss the fish and chips from Sydney. Same kind of traditional recipe as in the UK / London but with much better fish (whiting) caught fresh that a.m....

YUM! Oh, and with a cold pint;-0

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:16pm
Ever had a fish taco?

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:20pm
I was answering two different things in one post.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.1290

Habit. I just flip the remote on before I get my shoes off.

Sleeping with it on is habit.

Tv is great mental stimulation here.



http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=13988.1248

I did NOT mean it like YOU read it.

Sorry for confusion. Paige


Pages