When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:44pm
YES! My friend made them at a casual bbq kind of party she had a while back. The fish wasnt fried though. It was yummy. Washed down with too much beer of course...


MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:47pm
there is no logic, as nobody was insulted. the thin person im humorously speaking of is hypothetical therefore doesnt exist. do you really think i wish someone to get hurt???? sheesh!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:57pm
Yet somehow it is perfectly fathomable that some are insulted because I said if I ate fried food late at night, I'd have a huge butt. Some took that as a personal affront to overweight people which is wasn't at all, I wonder why the double standard? Ftr, as a thin woman I found your remark insulting.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:00pm
GET REAL WOMAN!!!!! This all came from a humorous thought i had and put it down on the board and YOU, dont get it, and want to accuse me of all sorts of STUPID THINGS!! <<>> this is a quote from your post, so HANG IT UP!! YOU DONT GET IT.

<<>> What woman??? its hypothetical. you know, make believe. just kidding. not real?? NOBODY DOES!

<< Like I've been trying to say, that kind of attitude is just as bad as someone who LOOKS at a heavy person and just KNOWS they must sit around and eat all day.>>> You're right, so why are you telling me?? to quote a board regular, YOU DONT EVEN KNOW ME!!

<<>> and so is this!

<<>> well, thank you dr dj. so your smart remarks toward my sister are null and void? NOT! are you the pot or the kettle.



<<>>> Um, thats about the fifth time you've said that. you should really keep track of your posts, or is this just a blatant brag, because frankly im sure im not the only one tired of hearing about how wonderful you are.

<<>> and you act like you have a clue as to what my point has been all along.

like you said, give it up, you're not going to win this one. You were wrong from the get-go and are trying to turn it around and get the negative attention off yourself. sorry, its not going to work. you're wrong. and your attitude stinks as well!!



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:04pm
you know what??? i would never treat *anyone* different from how i would like to be treated, but im just curious to know why thin people are exempt from ridicule and fat people arent?? i am not condoning any ridicule for anyone, im just asking why thin people are being defended so dogmatically on this board, when i dont see much defending of fat people out in the world. THAT is not fair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:05pm
Yup, same here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:06pm
This is what I was debating

","so tell me, why shouldnt thin women in good shape (BY THE GRACE OF GOD, AND NOTHING MORE)be fair game. fat people have been FOREVER!". im not talking about *ALL* THIN PEOPLE, i am only talking about the people who happen to be thin by the grace of God, and yes they do exist!! "

Why should anyone be fair game based totally on their weight? If it is not right to make comments about large people based only on their weight then it is not right to make comments about small people based totally on their weight. Ever heard two wrongs do not make a right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:09pm
What smart remarks did Dj make toward your sister? I have been following this thread closely and she has made no such comments toward your sister at all.

She mentioned more than once about being thin because you have implied that it is only by the grace of God that thin women are that way and that is simply not true! Why are you turning this into a vanity issue?

~Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:20pm
When i graduated hs i was about 5'3" so i was about ten pounds overweight(as i was all my life to that point). the only reason i was *only* ten pounds over is because i watched what i ate like a hawk. when i was 16, i became asthmatic and physical activity would set on an asthma attack. back then it wasnt treated as aggressively as it is now, so i stopped all physical activity. Ive always felt like i kept growing, and when does it level off. it never did. Lauren could eat anything as well as my brother. he would sit and eat three pb&js and a half gallon of milk and then eat dinner!!! believe me, they were as my parents called them the skinny belinks. i was the "solid" one. which actually was never ever made an issue of, but when my sister was wearing little cute things, and mom and i had to spend a gazillion dollars to find something that looked good, it got depressing. and believe it or not, kids called me fat all my life, and like you said, i wasnt that much over weight, but the problem has always been there.

i do have dr phil's book and i love it. i need to go back to the beginning, though and start again. that first chapter is awesome.

i will have to check out the other book you mentioned as well.

i lost 45 pounds last year, and have kept 35 off, allowing me to get rid of my largest size clothes which is the good news. now i have this psychological hurdle, that i just cant seem to conquer, about going down to the next size(which btw, is not all that small, but would be a huge accomplishment for me).

I havent heard of the Change One approach. would it be on the rd webpage, you think? i'll check it out.

thanks for your kind words. i know im not the only one with a weight problem, but i have gotten pretty big, and when people hear how much ive gotten up to, they are surprised. i do carry my weight well, but im 47 and i cant depend on that forever, as my knees are starting to whine....LOL.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:21pm
Because two wrongs do not make a right. Ridiculing thin people does not take away the ridicule that fat people has to deal with. It just means that even more people have to deal with being ridiculed for nothing more than their size. I am not defending thin people, I am defending all people, no one should be ridiculed for their size.

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