When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:25pm
I totally agree. No one should be ridiculed for their size.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:33pm
I totally agree. on the same token, my question is if the attitude in society is fat people are fair game why arent thin people? i cant answer it, as i am in essence asking the same thing in reverse.

case in point: have you ever sat and watched the eddie murphy movie The Nutty Professor? I cried when i watched it, because it was so hurtful and my kids sat there and laughed. i have never even seen it through and have no desire to. why hasnt a movie about someone who is anorexic been made, and found so humorous?? why?? why is being fat so funny, and thin is wonderful, and beautiful, and something "to be"?? i know plenty of thin people who i am heads and shoulders kinder, smarter, funnier than, but these people are perceived to be "prettier" than i. im not saying im unattractive, and i am very proud of who i am, but why is it ok to mock fat people, and not thin? that is a double standard as well, and i in NO WAY condone or defend it, as *some* posters imply(cruelly i might add).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:39pm
Well then, I guess there's nothing to debate here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:41pm

Okay. . .this is just me playing armchair psychologist, but bear with me.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:46pm
I agree life can suck and there are double standards (although I have seen some disparaging remarks made about "Lollipop" girls, those that are so thin their heads appear to big for their heads.)

No, I have not see The Nutty Professor because I purposely avoid watching programing where I know the theme of it is to ridicule people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:46pm
If you have been following it closely, why did dj apologize to my sister?? i wasnt in on the debate that far back. i did talk to my sister about it though, and she was irritated with the whole "fat butt" "big as texas" remarks. somehow she and dj got into it, hence, im thinking dj wasnt very kind, if my sister got upset with her.

<<>>

ROFLMAO.....vanity???? moi??? that is about as opposite from me as you can get . LOL. that was truly hilarious.

ok, im going to say this really clearly and slowly for the comprehension challenged. SAYING PEOPLE WHO ARE THIN BY THE GRACE OF GOD, DOES ***NOT*** IMPLY**** ALL****THIN*** PEOPLE****ARE***THIN***BY***THE***GRACE****0F****G0D!!!!!!! So get off it. Go twist someone elses words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:48pm
Sorry, you must be overly sensitive also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:57pm
She apologized because the thread had hurt her feelings not because she had said something directly to cause those hurt feelings. I was the one who made the fat butt big as texas remarks about MYSELF and for some reason your sister personalized that, no one said anything about her or anyone being overweight period!

You are turning it into a vanity issue because you are implying that Dj has mentioned it several times to brag which wasn't the case thus making it a vanity issue.

I haven't twisted your words and I'm not the only poster who thought you meant something different than you are saying now. So it's not a comprehension challenge but rather an expression one.`Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:00pm
Are you now saying that the posters who got upset with remarks about food choices are being oversensitive also or does that only go one way?~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:23pm
Oh, brother,(rolling eyes), im saying what i said. nothing more, nothing less. PLEEEEASE dont read anything into it. im so tired of trying to explain what i didnt say!!!

Pages