When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:25pm
Ive never heard the term "lollipop girl". so sad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:26pm
<> That makes two of us!~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:27pm
Double oh, brother. rolling eyes. whatever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:28pm
Now there's an effective comeback,lol!~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:30pm
Calista Flockhart and Lara Flynn Boyle are two women who I've heard referred to in this way. They have been the butt of many late night talk show host's jokes.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:39pm
hhhhmmmmmmm, i think you might have a point there as far as the comparison between lauren and me. it was never said in an ugly way, never told i eat too much, but probably a more subtle message is what i was hearing. I think you're ready for your "armchair degree"!! another reason i always felt "fat" all the way through school is because i had to wear "chubbies" part of the time, and also, when i was in hs, *all* my friends were size four and smaller!!! whats up with that?? i was an 11! when i got married, i said to my mom, yeah, this is going to be lovely. here come the two little cute size four bridesmaids, and lauren at a respectable 12 and HERE COMES THE BRIDE!! size 14!!

And whats up with these uncles who think they can make snide remarks??? my dad has never, ever in my entire 47 years made one comment about my weight, ever!! when i was pg with ds1, my uncle, "hey, getting a little broad in the beam there". and another one, "have you gained weight?". CH!T, I NEVER STOPPED!!LOL. what a dumb-butt!!

you know what else that might have contributed?? when i was in hs, the "ideal" weight was 125 for 5'3". today it is higher, as it has been studied, the weight for the heights in the past were nearly impossible to maintain and i guess because people are bigger in general today, ie: bone structure, etc.

the bottom line though is, i have always had to count calories for as long as i can remember, and could out eat anyone in my family(except my SKINNY dad!!LOL).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:05pm
It is no fun growing up with a skinny sister. I love my sister with every fiber of my being and she never used her 100 lb. soaking wet size against me. But I always wanted to be thin like her. I wasn't "fat" but I was always chubby and always felt moose like around her.

It is only now, as I have aged:), and we have grown even closer through sharing motherhood, that I realize that she always envied me for being so fun and popular and what she saw as smarter (which btw couldn't be farther from the truth as she graduated with honors from law school).

There came a point in my life where I just decided that my genes had determined that I was always going to be "solid" to use your very apt term. But life has changed for me and I managed with the help of Atkins to actually become "thin" for the first time in my life. It feels good, but you know what? I still feel like a moose around my sis:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:09pm
I never said ONE insulting thing to your sister. I apologized that the general tone of the thread and discussion of healthy food vs unhealthy had upset her. I said that I certainly hadnt intended any sort of slam against anyone who was overweight, my argument was with those who were insisting that unhealthy food was healthy and not harmful for one to eat regularly. I never said ANYTHING about weight, nor was the *butt the size of texas* comment mine. She jumped all over me because I apologized. So I will certainly make sure NOT to make that mistake again.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:13pm
What attitude? Because I think you are WRONG to make insulting remarks about a group of people, while disguising it as a joke?

The only thing I ever said about myself is that I struggled with weight issues all my life. Sorry if that offends you (eye roll). How is that bragging??????????????

But thats okay, keep telling yourself that its okay to be rude and insulting to me, despite the FACT that I never insulted YOU or your sister for that matter.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 9:17pm
then you owe dj an apology because nothing of the sort happened and it seems to me that it was awfully arrogant of you to decide you could make a not-very-thinly veiled slam at dj in retaliation for something you didn't even BOTHER to read.

DJ said NOT ONE SINGLE INSULTING THING to your sister, but your sister took offense to the comments, and DJ, being a compassionate, thoughtful human, apologized for the fact that the thread had offended your sister...even though NOT ONE SINGLE WORD HAD BEEN SPOKEN TO OR ABOUT YOUR SISTER.

sheesh, I can't believe that dj has taken all this abuse from you and you couldn't even be bothered to read the posts you claim to have been so damned offended by.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,

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