When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 8:36am
No, DJ never said anything to me directly. But when I tried to explain why I felt the way I did in response to one of her posts, yes, she did jump all over me about "well, I apologized ALREADY." I didn't take her apology as genuine because she posted it after she posted something completely negative to someone else with a "LOL" emoticon. I wrote, then edited out, "So forgive me if I don't fall at your feet thanking you for your apology."

And she completely twisted what I had said about how there is *more* social disdain for fat people than people who are too thin. She accused me of saying that *only* heavy people are disdained. Her "compassion" was quite lacking when I was trying to explain why I felt the way I did, which really didn't have much to do with her in the first place. So we jumped all over each other.

Again, I'll go back and re-read kathyatps' post, and remind myself that there are feelings behind screen names. And I'll stop right here trying to explain anything further.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 8:37am
Very true, and I know that. Very sorry. (I was trying to speak in terms LTB might possibly understand, which may be a vain enterprise anyhow - no offense meant to you.) Does the edit fix the problem?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 8:39am

Yes (and you didn't even need to edit, I knew what you meant, but had to clarify to avoid leaving it that way for future debate fodder).


BTW, isn't logic a prereq for law school?

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 8:56am

I don't purport to think that those shows are completely factually accurate. But they do hold some semblance of the truth (i.e. you can't search a suspect's home without a warrant, but any item laying in plain view is usable evidence as it didn't require a search to be found, rules of eventual discovery, the use of luminol to detect blood at a crime scene, etc) that the common layperson does not know.


I don't think the shows are educational ... but definitely stimulating.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:17am
Doh! Sorry; I haven't checked that address in a while. It's there! I'll respond back with my home and work addresses when I get home (we're not supposed to download "foreign" email at work--virus issues). sorry!!!

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:21am
Amen and AMEN!!! LOL...reminds me of a friend once asking me how she would know if a chicken she bought was already spoiled. I told her if it was spoiled there'd be no doubt in her mind!!!

I'm not into the raw fish thing (and I have NO idea why because I'm just fine with steak tartar, so it's clearly just a weirdo idiosyncracy), but I ADORE *cooked* Japanese food.

I wish we could get the same kind of white rice that they use in Japan--as you say it takes years to learn to cook it properly, but it hasn't been so overprocessed that all the fiber coating is gone and it's as high fiber/low glycemic as brown rice. My one remaining kitchen "dream" is to have a really good quality rice steamer.....sigh...one day :)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:34am

I guess I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around the fact you think tv is stimulating is that I think in normal circumstances some interaction is needed for mental stimulation.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:39am
I didn't say it was always stimulating.

It can be stimulating. It is stimulating at times.

Other times it can not be stimulating.

Like last night, we watched a stimulating documentary but then we watched two comedies show just for the entertainment valule, not stimulating.

Sorry it wasn't clear.

I don't always have time to read everything word for word & I post in haste between tv shows, cooking, or whatever.

Sorry for any confusion again.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:40am
Have you tried basmatti rice? It's white but it's firmer and doesn't turn to glue like that nasty white rice. I like to cook Indian food ocassionally and I use basmatti when I do.~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:42am

I guess I am a different creature because I enjoy the silence and the thinking in my head while I do other things.

PumpkinAngel

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