When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:44am
I love them!

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:48am
For us we do find certain programming stimulating.

Like the documentary we watched last night.

Yet, the other 2 comedies we watched among several other things were in no way stimulating. Pure fun only.

I'm sure people find reading stimulating. I hate to read (odd, being a teacher, I know, but hey, it is just who I am). I don't sit down with a 300 page book and read it. I don't find it stimulating at all for me.

I like to sight see very much. But I hate to read. So no, for me, the documentaries on tv or video form are so much more stimulating & far more enjoyable for me.

Tv can be strictly entertainment. Often is here in our home. But it can be stimulating depending on the programming you are experiencing at the time.

Tv is an important part of our evening family time. We do other things, like dh & dd played ball, went swimming, rode bikes, & she was on the trampoline while I was throwing supper together. Including bath time which doesn't take long we are talking a little over 4 hours. We then sat down with the tv to eat & have our nightly tv time.

What do you mean not do something if not fully engaged? Like not the tv on? Why not? As I said, it is habit, one we don't find the wish to quit.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:49am
It just isn't something we are interested in.

We don't even eat tacos!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:52am
Definately.

As we enjoyed yet another great CSI last night I thought about your comment & wondered if you were viewing it also.

Paige, who is waiting impatiently for the new CSI to make it's fall debut (along with the large group of other returning favorites & all new shows).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:52am

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When I was a full time nanny....I did everything the way it was directed to me.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:58am
I have found sushi rice in stores (you will also need rice vinegar)....I still can't make it taste like the experts, but I am trying.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:01am
I do that WITH the tv on!

I guess I am different in the sense that I can do it with the tv on.

I'm a multitasker. Have to be since I only clean one day a week. Since dh, dd, & I all make only one grocery run a week. Since I WOH. I have to multitask!

I think you are right. Tv helps some & aggrivates others.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:13am

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But what about it was mentally stimulating?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:16am
I do admit....CSI is one of the shows I do watch after the kids are in bed, if I am home.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:16am
Rice vinegar I have, so I can seek out the sushi rice. But you'll have to spill on what you've learned so far :)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,

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