When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:21am
Very well said!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:21am

It doesn't really aggravate me...it's just not a habit or second nature to turn it on.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:23am
Yes! Dh & I talked about it as we were watching it. He got out an encyclopedia & sat down to look up some information on the internet. We were still talking about it when we crawled in bed last night. We do this with documentaries, history shows, bios. We love them.

We never watch any sports of any type. Hate them. Even my dh does! Let me see. We watched Munsters & Green Acres. We watched Lizzie McGuire & another cartoon. Oh, & we watched Bewitched with dd. We watched the documentary after she went to bed & then 2 comedies. Everybody Loves Raymond & Seinfeld.

There are shows on network tv we watch together as a family. We think are fine for her to view with us. Or we view it because we know she will like it.

Tv is different things here. Entertainment fun, stimulating, educational. Whatever the mood we are in to view or the programming we choose at the time.

We have 3 1/2 hours of family time to do things other than tv. Then we have 3 hours of tv. So that equals 6 1/2 hours a night on weekdays.

We have already shared about our day & we have talked (and talked and talked) so by the time 7 rolls around we just want to eat & watch tv together quietly. Of course, we laugh, talk about our show, or something silly. Or if we forgot to say or ask something we do.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:24am
We have 3 1/2 hours BEFORE tv time to do other things.

Yes. If I didn't multitask I'd never get the house clean in just one day & all the shopping done on one day and everything else in life organized & done.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:28am
We generally watch the shows like it's an episode of Mystery Science Theater, and we're Mike (or Joel, if you're a MST3k snob ;), Servo and Crow. Great camp! I enjoy TelevisionWithoutPity's recaps of them as well.

CSI et al are VERY funny, even if they don't mean to be.

One of my favorite recaps of CSI was the Great Grocery Store Massacre:

"And in the next shot, Catherine and Gil are glowering their way into what is now a bustling crime scene. Warrick is hovering morosely on their tails. Did they pick the three CSIs most capable of looking angrily sad? Is that what's going on here? Anyway, as the Downer party heads into the grocery store, some yahoo is being restrained by the cops as he hollers about how he has to get back into the grocery story to check on his wife. We see a woman being wheeled out to an ambulance. She's looking pretty gray, but nobody's pulled a sheet over her head yet, so that's something.

"Gil glowers, ever closer to the grocery store. If he keeps this up, he could pull something. Brass steps forward and says curtly that the body count's up to five. Gil glares some more. Over on the steps of an ambulance, Fromansky glares. Someone's face is going to freeze that way, and it won't be pretty."

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:32am
What was the documentary about?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 12:06pm
Sea life. In particular whales & sharks.

So interesting! We love sea life.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:12pm

We're all different creatures. Quiet drives me bonkers. Unless I'm reading or sleeping. If I don't have music going in my office at work, I find myself easily distracted, etc. Days that I feel unproductive, I often pause and realize that my cd is over and I haven't changed it yet, lol.


Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:13pm

How can you only clean one day a week?


Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:20pm
I don't know. I just do.

I always have since I set up housekeeping back in my college days.

I had one day. That is it. That is when I clean.

Now it is on Sundays.

That way evenings during the week are free & clear.

Grocery shopping is Saturdays.

Every day we have to pick up, straighten up to keeping things clean. But it takes really no effort to make sure the dishes are washed or in the dw. That the toys are in their box. Beds are made. Laundry in the basket.

Paige

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