When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 2:23pm
There are absolutely many nanny-success stories. But is a mother "paranoid" if she is aware of the popularity of the nannycam and also believes Smokeythemom and Lauren1063 are not lying when they post here?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 2:26pm

"...acknowledging that you too cannot guarantee what another will do outside your presence. "


Your DH might cheat; my nanny might allow the children to eat sugar or watch excessive TV.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 2:27pm
Both of them used childcare centers.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 2:35pm

Oh geesh!


<<(I'd love to hear why a 60/70 hr work wk means a wife should be more concerned than the spouse of one who works 10 hrs/wk! Where's the logic in that? A person is either predisposed or he's not. EVERYONE who wants to will find the opportunity!) >>


That's your logic! If a mom who is away from her child more than a few hours at a time has more reason to be concerned he is receiving the proper care from nanies, babysitters, etc .. then a wife who is away from her husband has more reason to be concerned.


If the time spent away from your child increases his risk, then doens't hte time spent away from your dh increase the risk? Its not about how many hours are WORKED, but how many hours one is away from the spouse. If my dh (not that i have one, lol) is gone 10 hours a week, then for 158 hours I know what he is doing. If he is gone 60 hours a week, then I only know what he is doing for 128 hours. Simple logic.


<,It's what we all accept (except you apparently) about the stresses of being with children all day, human nature, the difference between a mother and child and an employee and her charge, an employee's conduct when the boss is absent all day, everyday, etc.>>


Right there you imply the increased risk by increased time away. Doesn't that apply to spouses too?


<>


No. But it's not denial or foolishness to trust the potential of the human nature either.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 2:37pm

<<But is a mother "paranoid" if she is aware of the popularity of the nannycam and also believes Smokeythemom and Lauren1063 are not lying when they post here?>>


Of course not. But neither is a mom "foolish" or "in denial" if she is aware of the compassion and love of her nanny and of her responsibility or that Smokey and Lauren's experiences, while heartbreaking, are not a given.



Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 2:44pm

I have always trusted my instincts, and they have almost always been right.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 2:50pm

I find it

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 2:54pm
Yes. Will you be needing the bike helmet soon?

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 2:55pm
Absolutely :)

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 3:03pm

I wasn't speaking about paranoid.

PumpkinAngel

Pages