When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 3:14pm

There is a saying that I adhere to:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 5:42pm
Oh i read enough, and i dont owe dj squat!! arrogant?? i hope nobody ever insults one of your siblings. i do know my sister was very upset at dj, and she doesnt just concoct crap! perhaps i did make an error accusing her of a direct slam, but indirect is just as hurtful, whether it was in general or directly at her.

<<< and DJ, being a compassionate, thoughtful human, apologized for the fact that the thread had offended your sister.>>> omg! i wonder how many others just hurled over that one as well.

dj took abuse from me?????? i made a joke about a hypothetical, ironic situation, and dj comes out of left field to announce to the world, that means i have something against *all* thin people! H@!! i married a SKINNY man, and have three SKINNY KIDS! what a crock of ch!t. and if you bother to read, dj made an off color remark even after this thread was in progress about how people at the carnival(or wherever) eat soooooo much, and she just doesnt know where they put it! WHO THE H@!! CARES???? I have absolutely no hangups or interest in what others eat, dont eat, how they eat, and how big, small, fat skinny they are. she is the one who is judgemental and tries to masquarade it as something its not. its pure ugly, and i for one can see right through it. you need to remove your rose-colored glasses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 5:47pm
Um hello????? She owns a booth. Of course she would notice...geesh! At least she's not throwing a scales at any of them, eh?~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 5:52pm
I support you & your opinions on this.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 5:53pm
My sister has put on some weight since she had her children, and the chick still looks good when dressed up. she has long legs, and very graceful hands and feet. when i became engaged, my sister wanted to try on my ring. it looked better on her!!!! she has long thin pretty fingers, and i have square(like my dad)short fat(like my mom) hands. thank God for acrylic nails!! at least they distract from the "plumber look"(as my mom calls our hands). i dont compare myself to my sister anymore(havent for years), as i am who i am, and she is who she is. would you believe in school people thought we were twins?? I guess they didnt notice, i got all the hooters. when they were giving out hooters, my sister thought they said scooters and was on the next one. LOL. Anyhooooo, we're as close as we can be now, and actually laugh at our "flaws", as what else can we do?

thanks for sharing. it sounded sooooo familiar.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 5:55pm
Now there's another big surprise!~Lisa
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 6:00pm
OOOHhhhhhhhhhhh, i get it. when you own a booth, it give one carte blanche to criticize people walking by eating. oh, i didnt realize there was criteria. thanks for the heads-up.....NOT!

<<>>> LOL, for real. that would be too blatant though. underhanded remarks are much more attractive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 6:04pm
Let's see the choices are being hit with a scales or underhanded remarks....I'll take underhanded remarks for $200 please Alex.

I think you are taking DJ's comments the wrong way. Eating healthy is important to her so she notices what kinds of food people eat.Pretty simple concept really but for some reason you want to make this personal.~Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 6:07pm
As if she needs, *or wants* or cares about *your* approval.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 6:11pm
Oh that hurt...yeowch! lol!~Lisa

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