When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:29am
Never mind . . . my question was answered in another post of yours.


Edited 8/14/2004 2:31 am ET ET by lukeslawmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:34am
Regarding your #7, you really see NO harm in television? Do you have a limit on the amount of hours you see as acceptable or, since there is no harm IYO, is an infinite amount ok?

(and curious . . . your #3, what do you do again?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 3:50am
So you watch too much tv too. Whats your point? And where did I say that I thought there should be *no chocolate, caffiene, sugary foods, soda*??? No, I dont allow my children to eat nothing but junk food or have hohos for snacks on a regular basis like Paige appears to. No, I dont think it is healthy to sit on ones behind every night and watch tv, proudly proclaiming that they *never exercise*. No, I dont think feeding myself or my children a diet heavy in sugar or white flour is beneficial. Personally, I think it sets a very bad example for a child, not to mention setting them up for a host of health issues down the road.

And I cannot believe, if your dh is a pediatrician as you claim, that he would think any of that is okay either.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 6:59am
OIC. I thought you were building a new house.

That is wonderful that you are finishing the basement. I do wish we had one. I miss that from our other house.

Have a great weekend.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:00am
I know we see no harm in TV.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:07am
Whoa Nellie! You are off base!

"No, I dont allow my children to eat nothing but junk food or have hohos for snacks on a regular basis like Paige appears to"

Nothing but junk food? No. I didn't say that.

"No, I dont think it is healthy to sit on ones behind every night and watch tv, proudly proclaiming that they *never exercise*."

I said we don't exercise in the formal sense. Like on equipment, going to a workout place. We do activities, we do get exercise. We do not come in at 3:30 & plop down in front of the tv. We don't plop down in front of the tv all day Saturday & Sunday.

We do not see it as a bad example. We don't feel our parents set a bad example for us.

When we come in & have family time & do other things for 3 1/2 hours every afternoon when the three of us arrive home from our day, then once we get our showers & in our pjs I don't see anything wrong with as you would say plopping down in front of the tv at 7 with our tv trays & enjoying a family evening of tv. We've spent plenty of time doing other things.

We are home all day every Saturday & other than services all day on Sundays. We have several hours to do things other than tv. Yes, we spend our night time in front of the tv just like through the week. But we've had all day to do other things.

Paige



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:14am
OMG, you are my new best friend! As a sahm, most of my day is spent actively avoiding "down time," because that's when my 3 pre-schoolers ask (perhaps whine is more accurate) for the tv or a DVD. Rainy days are my enemy!

I have to get my children out of the house once or twice a day (kind of schedule outings around that blessing known as naptime). I also have different play areas I call zones which have toys and games inside and outside of the house. When one of my 3 starts getting bored, and asks for tv, I get them to a different zone! LOL.

My children would be content to have the tv on most of the day if we stay in. It would likely be background noise while they do other activities, but I try not to let that happen, hence my latest rule: 2 hrs of play, then 1/2 hour of tv.

It's hard avoiding the tv. I can't understand why all of the board members are saying it's not. We don't even have movie channels (but I think we make up for it in DVDs).

Oh, and like you and your DH, come 9pm, I am in bed with the tv on, not reading Shakespeare like apparently everyone else in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:16am
I think the AAP also recommends no tv for children under 2? Then how do you explain the success of Disney's Baby Einstein videos? They're very popular and say on the jackets that they are for children starting at 9 mos, 1 yr.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:20am
I didn't know where to throw this in, but I think somewhere you said you've read the "studies?" If not, just disregard this.

The only relevant question to me with regard to the studies is: Does the child raised without tv become a genius?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:25am
But do you think your children are doing better than those children you know of (if you know of any) whose free-wheeling parents have the tv on each day for more than 2 hrs?

Does cutting out tv altogether ensure children will raise their IQs or something?

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