When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:29am
I watch about 45 mins of tv a day, before I fall asleep generally at 10 pm. My bp is fine, but I know I eat too much sugar and I am about 20 lbs overweight.

Restricting tv has not made me a healthier person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:31am
Because of our discussion here, I took a casual poll of the parents in my mothers' group yesterday as we left the playground. 3 of the 6 were on their way to McDonalds.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:37am
it's explained in the same way that the popularity of Ho-Ho's, Twinkies and other crap foods are explained....many people are either ignorant or willfully defiant of what's an approriate choice.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:30am
So you would force a child who is not hungry to eat just because the clock says it is time to eat?

We also have fairly scheduled dinner times but if someone is not hungry at that them then they are free to just sit with us during dinner time and then eat when they are hungry. We have been trying to teach our children to listen to their bodies to tell them when to eat, not outside influences. So far it has worked very well, they have not had any of weight issues that myself, their aunts and uncles and cousins have.

My DD1 would not survive on your tight schedule. She has always been a grazer. She probably eats 6-8 times a day but very little each time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:37am
You should have seen the birthday party we attended last weekend.

There were 17 girls there including my dd.

It was a luncheon buffet. No kidding! I couldn't believe my eyes when I walked into the backyard.

The dad had went out & got hamburgers, cheeseburgers, & mcnuggets from McDonalds. Then they had pepperoni & cheese pizzas. Macaroni & cheese, the most delicious potato wedges.

The drinks table had every kind of soda you could imagine. They did offer koolaid & water but I only saw one little girl with a cup. All the rest had soda cans.

They had three kinds of popcorn, 3 or 4 kinds of cookies, two kinds of cupcakes and then the birthday cake. They served an ice cream punch with this.

The girls played horseshoes, croquet, they played on the swingset, twister, and a few other games I can't even remember.

At the end of the party they took all the girls inside & let them watch a couple of shows to cool off. It was so hot.

My dh & I were laughing this morning after this I was telling him about this conversation. I hadn't thought about it & he said something about what in the world would these moms do at a party like that?

This couple has 3 dd's & a ds with ranging from 8 down to 2. We know these people. We have had them over for dinner, been to their house. The girls were in K last year together. Will be in first grade this year.

They watch quite a bit of television. Ever bit as much as we do weeknights & maybe more from hearing them talk. I think they are frequent club members of the fast food chains. I've never heard her say anything about cooking. They eat boxed stuff from the frozen food doors or fast food.

I've ran in to her at the grocery a few times & I guess some people would be shocked & even not a stretch to say appalled at what she puts in her cart.

But I see moms & their kids all the time in the grocery & dh shops with me. We often talk about what we see others buy. It is more on the lines of how we live & what we throw in our cart.

Other places we have lived when you saw parents & their kids having a picnic 9 out 10 was not brown bag.

At the beach you see people enjoying fast food or they just go up & get a hot dog & chips from one of the tiki bars. The kids are not drinking bottled water or juice. They are turning up cans of mello yello & coke.

In all the places I've lived I see this as all normal.

I see what the kids bring to school for their lunches & snacks. It isn't on the health food end.

Really our school lunches are right in track with fast foods.

But the public schools lunches were the same. No better.

My experience. Not all.

I have no problem with any of it.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:43am
I would never use your DH - a pediatrician who watchs unlimited TV! Now I've heard everything!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:47am
It's not about raising brilliant children.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:48am

Interestingly, the AAP (if I'm not mistaken) also suggests that IF children are going to watch television that they do so WITH their family. . .something done by the posters you seem to have such disdain for.


I view the recommendations of the AAP as a 'best practices' guide and I do limit the amount and types of TV shows my kids watch. . .but I don't have a hard and fast rule on that limit. . .it's a gut feeling.

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:51am
Parties are an exception.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 11:02am

That running you've been doing sure has helped your leg muscles. . .cause that was one heck of a leap you just made.


From

Virgo
 

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