When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 11:07am
Oh come on, I don't think it is that far-fetched. I once brought my dd to a brilliant, top-rated infectious disease specialist and he was not only obese, he smoked. Didn't stop me from seeking out his highly valued opinion.

And maybe if the pediatrician is watching a lot of Blue's Clues and Elmo's World, he may have a great insight into his little patients?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 11:12am
Are you saying that tv is inherently unwholesome? I've never been big on lots of tv and both ds and dd probably watch on average no more than half-hour or so per day and often less, but I've been very grateful for certain television shows that have helped dd and ds with German and English. Hearing someone other than mom or dad speaking a language has helped them to understand that it isn't just something weird we do at home but rather a language actively used in other countries. We've been highly selective about what they can watch, but I've never felt that the time they have spent in front of the tv was completely wasted or the equivalent of junk food. Like everything else, moderation is the key. Tv (like computer games) can be a potentially useful learning tool if used appropriately.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 11:53am
I'm not advocating cutting out tv altogether. I'm advocating not watching it for HOURS every day combined with an excessive amount of junk food and not worry about this behavior because you don't have health issues. Yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 11:55am
>>What I'm advocating is MODERATION.<<

Absolutely.

However, I don't see several hours of television per day with excessive amounts of junk food as being "in moderation".

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 11:57am
No limit . . . ever? If your DD wanted to watch six hours a day, that would be ok? Eight hours?

What about the quality of the programming? Do you see any harm in your DD watching violence on TV? Sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 12:48pm
Am I so off base? You have stated that you dont exercise, that neither you, your dh or your dd like organized sports of any kind. You said you sometimes *go for walks*. What kind of exercise are you doing? You dont strike me as the hiking biking kayaking types.

You have implied that hohos are a standard snack, as are nightly sodas. You dont seem to think that a diet high in refined sugar, preservatives and white flour is unacceptable, because you arent overweight (which I still dont get-unhealthy is unhealthy, regardless of weight)

You have said that you watch tv every single night from 7-10p (resulting in only 9 hrs of sleep for your child, right?), and that your pediatrician husband sees nothing wrong with any of this.

Yeah, I am sooooo off base

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 12:56pm
I cant speak for pnj, but I think what is kind of disturbing here is the whole package-the combination of all this television, no exercise, and a good dose of junk food. And an attitute that this is just *How people live* in their odd little neck of the woods.

We watch a fair amount of tv, especially in the winter when its blowing snow. I dont have a problem with tv per se, but I think the poster is really sticking her head in the sand when you combine the nightly 3 hrs of tv with all the other things she says she does or doesnt do.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 1:13pm
Do you *really* think they are watching blues clues from 7-10p every weeknight?????

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 1:14pm
I think that is the crux of the issue here. Its not *just* the hours of tv watching. Its the hours of tv watching coupled with a sedetary lifestyle and what sounds like a pretty hefty amount of junk food.


dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:05pm
To begin with my dh is not a pediatrician or any other kind of physician.

Not sure why you thought he was.

Yes, we go for walks. Yes, we are active. No, we don't do formal exercise like attending classes, going to a gym, or owning equipment. But we are not totally unactive & I think you did get the wrong impression.

We all hate sports. Big deal!

No, we don't hike & kayaking wouldn't be of interest to our family.

DD has a bike & dh & I have been looking at buying ourselves bikes.

Ho hos are a standard snack just like oreos. That does not mean that is the only snack.

After we have 3 1/2 hours together I see nothing wrong with then sitting down for a night of family tv.

I maintain my thoughts in the post you are replying.

Paige

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