When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:09pm
I'll have to say our pediatrician we have now is like what you described.

The one we had before, I have no idea the stand on tv.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:10pm
But that is your opinion & really has nothing to do with my life other than you have an opinion about it that won't change anything.

We do not have issues with these things. You do.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:12pm
Dj, why don't you tell us what YOU think we are watching for 3 hours every night?

I'd like to hear what you think you know.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:12pm

I don't see 5-6 hours of TV per day and excessive amounts of junk food as moderation, . . .but then I don't see 30 minutes of TV per day and NO junk food except at b-day parties as moderation, either.


And that's not a jab at either PnJ or Paige. . .I just think they are at opposite ends of the spectrum. . .and I'd prefer to be in the middle of it.

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:13pm
:o)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:14pm
Maybe we have a different definition of "moderation"?

Maybe we have a different definition of "excessive"?

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:15pm

I don't disagree with you there. . .I'm just frustrated at people jumping on the '3' hours of tv as if all doom will rain down on the family because of it.


I agree Paige's family does have a collection of poor health habits when considered in total. . .

Virgo

Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:27pm
I dont *think I know* anything. I just asked if she really thought 2 adults were sitting there for 3 hrs a night watching a childrens show.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:30pm
Nope but its a debate board and posting about poor health habits like they are something to strive for is going to get you a lot of dissenting opinion.

You may not have issues with these things, neither does much of America (hence the reason we are the fattest, most sedetary country in the WORLD), but that doesnt make them less of an issue. And you really should think about the health of your child, even if you dont care about these things for yourself.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:34pm

Paige's husband isn't a pediatrician.

Virgo
 

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