When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:36pm
Oh I got you confused with coconut on the pediatrician thing. Its her dh that is a pediatrician-your posts are so similar I got them crossed.

Again, HOW are you active? I'm sorry but a walk around the block just doesnt cut it for exercise.

So hohos and oreos are *standard snacks*? That sounds like they are consumed on a pretty regular basis.

And like I said, I dont necessarily have an issue with tv. But 3 hrs of tv a night coupled with a sedetary lifestyle and lots of junky snacks?? Like I keep asking, arent you concerned about things like osteoperosis? You realize you are a PRIME candidate at the rate you are going, dont you? Dont you worry about heart disease, cholesterol, etc? What about the future health of your child? Dont you worry that you are setting her up for a lifetime of bad habits?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:46pm
Ha. I was being completely facetious.

I'm sure they are watching socially important documentaries and productions of Shakespeare's tragedies on PBS.

Hoho's and Hamlet, has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:49pm
I know I just figured that out, LOL. They were posting so much of the same thing, I got confused!!

No, I dont think they must be watching childrens programming. But I wouldnt deem a good portion of prime time tv as appropriate for a 6yo either.

Like I said, my issue really isnt with tv per se. Its the tv coupled with all the other unhealthy choices, coupled with her attitude that its perfectly acceptable and even healthy to live this way. Part of the reason our country's general health is in such a mess is this kind of attitude.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 2:50pm
you slay me

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 3:35pm

I don't think you can judge a person's eating habits by what they are eating at the beach.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 3:40pm
We watch quite a variety. But we are not watching shows unappropriate for a 6 year old.

But not all cartoons & direct children's programs either.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 3:41pm
Well, no. I can't stand thaat kind of programming!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 3:41pm

The description of that birthday party menu absolutely grosses me out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 3:45pm
We don't see these things as bad habits.

We were raised this same way. Now we live & raise our dd the same way.


I'm not going to sit here & list all the ways we are active.

We feel like all the things we do in the 3 1/2 hours before we sit down as a family to watch tv for the night is great. We don't feel guilty at all to sit down after our showers in our pjs to eat & watch tv. No reason to feel guilty. No reason to feel that we should be doing something with a good portion of that time rather than television viewing.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 3:47pm
Not judging at all. Just talking about what is commonly seen.

Paige

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