When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 3:51pm
The little girl was turning 6. My dd is already 6. The other guests were all the same age.

I don't see anything gross, just common food fare, by the menu.

I had no problem with what they served. DD would have probably had the same thing if we had not been at the birthday party anyway.

I was surprised. The little girls, mine included, all ate a really good lunch & they snacked on the other things all afternoon. They ate the entire time, including my dd.

Like I said yesterday, we have moved around. I'm not talking all about one specific region. I've found no differences in the different areas on these subjects.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 5:41pm
Quite honestly, I think your refusal to list any type of activity you supposedly engage in is very telling.

So if you were raised in a household full of smokers and alcoholics, you'd be okay with it simply because its *how you were raised*??? And would want to bring up your child in the same way? We have learned a lot about health and nutrition since our parents time-I'd think that rather than have the attitude *if it was good enough for us as kids, its good enough for our child...* you might strive for a bit more for your childs future.

And as I've said several times-its not the tv watching in itself. Its the tv watching coupled with all the other unhealthy lifestyle choices.

And why do you keep ignoring my questions as to whether or not you are concerned for your health in the future? Do you just think that the chances are small of you developing any problems down the road-even though the way you are living is setting you up for some potentially serious problems as you age??

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 5:45pm
Of course its all *normal*. That is why the United States is the fattest country in the nation. That is why obesity has become the 2nd preventible killer. That is why children are getting type 2 diabetes right and left-something that was virtually unheard of 20 years ago.

No, I am not surprised that you have *no problem* with it. Neither does the majority of our nation. And its sickening.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 5:53pm
Yeah and the surgeon general warns against smoking-but you can still buy a pack at any store.....Just because something is *available* to buy doesnt make it acceptable or recommended.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 6:45pm
Think what you want.

I don't have to agree. And I don't.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 6:53pm
Don't be silly.

We don't equate how we live with "smokers & alcoholics". No, we wouldn't agree with that in growing up & we wouldn't condone it then or now as we live our life & raise our dd.

I really don't feel I owe you an explanation of a list of activities or your health questions. I don't feel we are setting ourselves up for now or down the road. So there is your answer. Are you happy now?

There is nothing very telling. You may be dreaming up something imaginary that doesn't exist in our lives in your little head. But that doesn't mean it is telling or factual.

Kids play. Kids are active. Kids run, play tag, ride bikes. My dd is normal. She likes to do things other little girls do. So she has no interest in sports. That is not a big deal. There are plenty of other ways to get recreation. Gymnastics & dance are fine examples. She doesn't do organized classes but that does not mean she doesn't love to do both. Those are two favorite things to her. She likes to play, swing, slide, climb on the monkey bars & cargo net. Normal kid things, I'd say.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:00pm
Dont agree with what? Surely you cannot deny the obesity epidemic running rampant through this country.

You may not *want* to change your lifestyle. But that doesnt make it healthy, for you OR your child. There is nothing to agree OR disagree with on that front-its a simple fact.

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:03pm
Well, considering that type 2 diabetes is becoming the number one nutritional and health problem for children, I'd say that your lifestyle isnt too far behind the effects of secondhand smoke.

No, you dont owe me an explanation. But if you are going to bring up this kind of stuff on a debate board, expect it to be debated. And if you cannot provide any reasonable explanations or refuse to give them-why are you here?

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:06pm
>>And as I've said several times-its not the tv watching in itself. Its the tv watching coupled with all the other unhealthy lifestyle choices.<<

Exactly!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:07pm
Was there not a single healthy item served?

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