When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:08pm
We do. I think a lot of people have different definitions of those terms than you do. That should tell you something.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:09pm
Could you give some specific examples please?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:26pm
That is how my family is too. We all enjoy healthy eating with a *small* sprinkling of junk food thrown in. We have dessert almost every night-but sometimes that might be graham crackers with peanut butter or fresh strawberries with lite whip cream. I have a sweet tooth and certainly like sweets! BUT.....we also temper that with lots of fruits and veggies, heavy exercise/activity, and moderation in the amounts of food we consume overall. This is how *I* was raised too- its *what I bring to the family* LOLOLOL ;oP.

Of course, on vacation, all bets are off, LOL

dj

Dj

"Now when I need help, I look in the mirror" ~Kanye West~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 7:57pm
She is giving you *facts*. The info she posted has nothing to do with what she "thinks". The fact that you don't agree doesn't change the truth of her post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 8:38pm

"At the beach you see people enjoying fast food or they just go up & get a hot dog & chips from one of the tiki bars. The kids are not drinking bottled water or juice. They are turning up cans of mello yello & coke.

In all the places I've lived I see this as all normal. "


You may not be "judging" but you are making the assumption that because you see people eating this way, that this is the way they eat all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:35pm
And I just have to interject here that past health is NO guarantee of future health when it comes to unhealthy habits and behaviors.

I'll readily admit my diet was NOT as healthy as it could have been (although I also freely admit that we DON'T eat Ho-Ho's regularly) and my exercise was far less than it should have been. But for years and years my blood levels for sugar and cholesterol and my blood pressure were stellar. I mean you could diagnose PREGNANCY based on my blood pressure it was so regular (120/80 not pregnant, 110/70 pregnant)...and literally my ENTIRE adult life those numbers simply did NOT vary. Same with my blood sugar--if anything, I would register on the low side.

This past doctor's appointment I didn't even have any SYMPTOMS of problems--I just scheduled the appointment because I wanted help (none pharmaceutical type) losing weight because continuing diet/exercise plans in the fall are a huge stumbling block for me. I was completely blindsided by blood pressure measuring 150/90 and blood sugar at 154 (more than a week after going on South Beach phase I which STRICTLY limits sugar). I'll say, it's DEFINITELY been great incentive to STICK to this plan where I normally wouldn't....but the point is, my past great checkups did NOT save me from this last one where I had some really major health issues. And given the discussion on this tthread, while I was definitely eating MORE than pnh, I was also eating FAR more healthfully than she is.

At my last checkup when my doctor saw the resuls I've been having, she emphasized it's NOT just my diet and it's nott JUST my exercise that's having this effect. It's BOTH. She very clearly and emphatically told me, that my "prescription" is to continue BOTH. And she bluntly explained that while many people may be able to tempt fate for years and years, for the vast majority of people it does catch up to you.

obviously I'm preaching to the choir here, but at least I know YOU will listen and I won't have to hear 18 bazillion verses of how the science of blood chemistry doesn't apply to pnh.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:41pm
How is spending 37-44% of your waking day watching television "moderation"?

There are people in the world who spend that kind of time WORKING and getting fulltime benefits. And you still consider it "moderate"?

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:45pm
LOL....and the best part is, you're bragging about it like this is something to be proud of.

Sheesh, why not just insulate your home with asbestos and paint with lead paints?

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 11:01pm
No other choices. My dd eats these foods. This is what they serve for lunch at school. I mean, not from McDonalds, but the Chef prepares cheeseburgers, pizza, chicken nuggets or tenders.

I didn't hear any of the girls asking for anything that wasn't there. I was there for the whole party. I helped out because this lady is a friend.

I don't remember ever seeing her fix a fruit or vegetable platter. Pretty much what they served at the party is what I see them eat all the time or see in her cart at the grocery.

This little girl has been in my home quite a few times & she has never asked me for anything like that. Whether her mother was there or not.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Sat, 08-14-2004 - 11:06pm
The people in my family don't have different definitions.

The people in my social circle, here & the other places we use to live don't have different definitions.

The couple that came over with their 2 kids tonight doesn't have different definitions. The mom & I were talking, I was telling her about this conversation & sharing things with her. She couldn't believe it. She said she never thinks about limiting tv or even turning it off. On the foods, she really never cooks. If it doesn't come out of a box it comes from take out. I do better than she on the cooking.

Paige

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