When did structure become a bad thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When did structure become a bad thing?
1698
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:19am
I am reading the thread about freewheeling nannies below and I hafta say, I just don't get this whole no structure thing. My kids have always thrived on structure. THey liked the predictablity of when things were going to happen. Sure, it has not been a problem to deviate, but what I am reading in some posts is that no structure at all seems to be looked on as optimal, while imposing structure to a child's life is viewed as bad parenting.

We used to live next door to a "no structure" family. The kids ran wild in the neighborhood, the mom never planned dinner so lord only knows if and when the kids ate. Sorry, I don't think that's a good way to live. My kids know we eat dinner at 6:30, so they have to be home.

I can see taht you wouldn't demand that an infant go to bed and wake up at precisely the same time, but is there ever a time to impose structure on a child? So lets say you are the freewheeling type and have always doen things whenever. What happens when you send your child to school where the bell rings at the same time every day?

As far as activities, I realize all kids are different, but when my kids were little, if we just did whatever, whenever, my kids woudl end up grumpy and overtired. My experience is that if say, we were at the beach and I say, oh heck, let's just stay later, the kids woudl be happy at first, but by the days end I would end up with whiny, overtired kids.

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting what I am reading, but I personally think structure is a good thing. When children are small, the structure includes naptimes, mealtimes, etc. As they get older it evolves into boundaries like "be home at 6 for dinner" or "you can't go into soemones house without telling me first". I couldn't imagine living without structure or boundaries for my kids.

Susan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:44am
we have 2 children that watch tv -- my 12 year old son and 8 year old daughter...the rule in our house is that they must BOTH agree on a TV show AND if the adults are watching, we ALL must agree. While it has caused a few arguments and some whining, we stick by our guns -- Agreement OR the TV does not go on.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:44am
Bull----!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:47am
You do know they can be done alone. Not in groups or on teams? It would be dumb if one thought gymnastics could only be done on teams or in groups. You know. My niece goes to gymnastics lessons. Not a class. A private lesson. My sister, the instructor, my niece. No other person (unless it is one of her siblings) is present. Maybe you did't realize?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:54am
Aren't the Einstein videos for a baby under one year? My baby has been watching them for months. Now a year old they are big time favs. My hubby & I watch blues clues & those four wiggles guys with our baby. Yep. We watch tv. Cook burgers and fries. Eat at 10:30 or 11pm. My hubby & I watch tv from like 4 to 11:30. Then I watch more after he is off to work. I watch tv in the morning while I get dressed for work. I watch tv when I walk in the door until he joins me around 4. I'm not just sitting there in front of the tv. I'm up doing other things, playing with the baby, reading to the baby, talking on the phone, maybe a friend is sitting there on the couch & we are talking with the tv on. Not watching it but it is on. We both sleep with the tv on. I can't stand silence. Neither can he. She thinks Paige & her spouse watching 3 hrs is bad? Geesh! She would be horrified to spend just one day with us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 8:58am
Limit tv. Why? Never mind, I know a few of the thoughts here on tv, it was a rhetorical quiestion. No, we don't limit ourselves. I'm now a personal secretary for a surgeon & his wife. I have always been a medical secretary and worked in dr's offices.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:03am
LOL. You mean the parents put McDonald's food out on a buffet table? I don't mean to be rude, but I did laugh out loud at that one. What will people think of next?

I have literally NEVER seen a young child drinking a can of soda. Not only do we not do it, but I don't know anyone else who does it, either. When we order pizza (around once a month), we get ONE 20-ounce bottle of Coke for the entire family, and that's the only soda we ever have. DH drinks most of it, I take a sip (or did, before the SB diet), and the kids each get a splash in a cup -- not more than a sip or two for each of them.

Why would people give their children soda to drink? It's not like there are no healthy things to drink.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:04am
Why? Do you really think he announces to all of his patients what he does at home? Do you think he wears a banner across his forehead saying beware, I'm not against tv, I watch it everyday & allow my toddler to watch it? He is rarely asked by a parent his view on tv. What does what he does at home have anything to do with giving physicals, checking sick children, prescribing medicines, doing hospital rounds, advising parents on breastmilk & formula? If you did go to my hubby, you'd never know how much tv we watch. Why should you? Are you going to ask him how much tv he watches when off duty? And why would you? If asked he does tell the parents there is some great programming for kids out there. He will give them suggestions, if they want, to watch things like blues clues. He doesn't suggest they watch the amount of tv we do. Why would he? It is personal. Good grief. What a judgement call. I'd say he doesn't have one patient where the parents know that the day before he & his wife spent the day before watching hours & hours of tv.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:05am
You hit that nail right on the head perfect. Thx.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:08am
All (in your opinion excessive) viewers of tv are nonexercisers. We have a gym downstairs here in our apartment complex. My hubby & I both use it. I go to several aerobics classes & yoga every week. Even my sister with 6 kids who isn't in to banning tv or restricting it teaches aerobics & walks on the treadmill a couple times a day & that other kind of treadmill, can't think of the name for it, that is like climbing up a hill.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 08-15-2004 - 9:10am
OMG! That is what my hubby says. He can communicate with the kids about who the characters are or ask them if he saw Elmo do whatever Elmo did. The kids love it. They think it is way cool that their dr knows who Elmo is. That their dr likes to find the clues with blue. With new patients it is a great breaking the ice, letting the little patients know he likes Elmo just as much as they do. Wins their trust over. He does see good in children's programming.

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